I'm moving!!

[Flea]

The initial incident is craptastic, but I'm viewing this as a very positive thing.

I first started MA last November in response to a very scary guy who harassed me on my block. Shortly after starting the class I put out some feeliers and found out who he was, and that he was about to report for a jail term pretty soon. That problem solved itself, and I told my instructor about it. He smiled, "Until the next one comes along." I didn't believe him at the time - not that I'm naive, I just wanted to savor the respite for a bit with some friendly denial.

Respite over. Last night a distant acquaintance of an acquaintance who I politely declined a date with a few weeks ago crossed the line in a serious way. A couple times he'd say hello from across the street with an idiosyncratic "What's my name?" I went from a non-committal wave a couple times to simply ignoring him and dragging my dog along. Last night he crossed the street and followed me. "What's my name ... what's my name ... what's my name." Gone was any semblance of a friendly tone. I did a lifetime first of crossing the street and walking the other way, and going a block out of my way to get home from a different direction.

It was a final straw that should have dropped a few years ago. This morning I got up early and perused the classifieds, and I talked to a mortgage broker. Thanks to the housing crash, I can afford a lot more than I thought, in a neighborhood I love, with much better safety. I'm about 6 months of savings away from making a proper down payment with closing costs. That's a huge deal, because I thought it would be more like 2-3 years.

:boing2:

Donations can be sent via Paypal, credit card, or homing pigeon. (kidding!)

 

[Sukerkin]

That is the best possible spin to put on such an unfortunate state of affairs - fingers crossed for a step in the 'right direction' :tup:

 

[Lisa]

Glad to hear the good part. Worried a little for you about that bad part. Keep yourself safe and don't go around there again and I would let the police know about the incident. They can go and have a talk with the young man hopefully curtail any other incidents before they happen. This incident is a serious one and needs to be addressed appropriately. No one has the right to make you feel unsafe due to their actions. Please keep us informed.

 

[arnisador]

Good for you, dude! Great solution.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Check and see if you qualify for the 1st time home buyers credit. It's $8k I think.

 

[Flea]

Bob, I own my current digs so I don't think that's an option. As a disabled person though, I think there are other programs. And yes, I will contact the police tomorrow to see what options I have. I know his first name barf and I think I know where he lives.

I'm a little leery of them talking directly to him as he might take that as a challenge and escalate; that, and I prefer to fight my own battles myself. There are good arguments either way on that. As far as avoidance, the spot where I usually see him is just on the next block, in a place that's directly in most of my daily traffic. But I'll brainstorm other paths I can take. Thanks for all the good thoughts.

 

[jks9199]

Bob, I own my current digs so I don't think that's an option. As a disabled person though, I think there are other programs. And yes, I will contact the police tomorrow to see what options I have. I know his first name barf and I think I know where he lives.

I'm a little leery of them talking directly to him as he might take that as a challenge and escalate; that, and I prefer to fight my own battles myself. There are good arguments either way on that. As far as avoidance, the spot where I usually see him is just on the next block, in a place that's directly in most of my daily traffic. But I'll brainstorm other paths I can take. Thanks for all the good thoughts.

While I realize this is already too late -- DO NOT WAIT FOR TOMORROW to file a police report!

And insist on filing a report. You may not have the elements of stalking yet -- but you've definitely got a serious and legitimate concern with this behavior. Documentation can be key to these cases. The more incidents that are documented, the stronger the case to support police action down the road -- or even something like a restraining order. Do not let the officers duck the report.

 

[Tez3]

While I realize this is already too late -- DO NOT WAIT FOR TOMORROW to file a police report!

And insist on filing a report. You may not have the elements of stalking yet -- but you've definitely got a serious and legitimate concern with this behavior. Documentation can be key to these cases. The more incidents that are documented, the stronger the case to support police action down the road -- or even something like a restraining order. Do not let the officers duck the report.

I second this! You may not be the only person he's doing this to, the others may not have your confidence or ability to cope. He may even need taking off the street.

I hope every goes well though on your move, even without hassles it's really nice to move somewhere you love!

 

[Bruno@MT]

Congrats with your decision. Keep yourself safe, and enjoy your new house.

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

Good decision to move to a better area.

Also listen to Tez and Jks9199 and start the documentation. This will help in many ways. Good luck!

 

[Jade Tigress]

Glad to hear the good part. Worried a little for you about that bad part. Keep yourself safe and don't go around there again and I would let the police know about the incident. They can go and have a talk with the young man hopefully curtail any other incidents before they happen. This incident is a serious one and needs to be addressed appropriately. No one has the right to make you feel unsafe due to their actions. Please keep us informed.

While I realize this is already too late -- DO NOT WAIT FOR TOMORROW to file a police report!

And insist on filing a report. You may not have the elements of stalking yet -- but you've definitely got a serious and legitimate concern with this behavior. Documentation can be key to these cases. The more incidents that are documented, the stronger the case to support police action down the road -- or even something like a restraining order. Do not let the officers duck the report.

Please take this advice. I'm glad you are making the move, but if you've still got at least 6 months to save, and then have to sell your current place, that's far too long to jeopardize your safety. A day is too long to jeopardize your safety. The guy sounds like a real creep.

 

[Flea]

Thanks everyone.

I spent some time back at my city's domestic violence shelter (sigh) and they explained some of the legalese of filing a police report vs a criminal complaint. (They agreed that I have good reason to get paranoid on this one.) I don't know Creep's full name or address, but I'm asking around quietly. I don't think there's much the police can do without that, so I'll have to wait and report another day.

As I stepped out with my dog this afternoon, I scored big time - a crappy old beater oozed by with Creepazoid at the wheel! I know it was him because he waved. The tags had a # that looked to be out of state; I didn't have my glasses on to see the details, but that'll make my job a lot easier. I think I know where to find the truck parked tonight, to copy down the info under relative cover of relative darkness.

This sense of control may be illusory, but I'll take comfort in it. It'll certainly light a fire under my practice!

 

[Lisa]

Just be careful and look into any home buyers credits, etc. that are available to you and make that move soon!

 

[Carol]

Thanks everyone.

I spent some time back at my city's domestic violence shelter (sigh) and they explained some of the legalese of filing a police report vs a criminal complaint. (They agreed that I have good reason to get paranoid on this one.) I don't know Creep's full name or address, but I'm asking around quietly. I don't think there's much the police can do without that, so I'll have to wait and report another day.

As I stepped out with my dog this afternoon, I scored big time - a crappy old beater oozed by with Creepazoid at the wheel! I know it was him because he waved. The tags had a # that looked to be out of state; I didn't have my glasses on to see the details, but that'll make my job a lot easier. I think I know where to find the truck parked tonight, to copy down the info under relative cover of relative darkness.

This sense of control may be illusory, but I'll take comfort in it. It'll certainly light a fire under my practice!

You need to go to the police NOW with what you have. Let the police look for the truck. Let the police take the info you have and combine it with the info they have. Talking to someone about talking to the police is not sufficient. You can always add more info once a complaint is filed.

This is not a time to keep quiet.

 

[CoryKS]

Last night a distant acquaintance of an acquaintance who I politely declined a date with a few weeks ago crossed the line in a serious way.

Can you ask the mutual acquaintance who this guy is?

 

[Touch Of Death]

The initial incident is craptastic, but I'm viewing this as a very positive thing.

I first started MA last November in response to a very scary guy who harassed me on my block. Shortly after starting the class I put out some feeliers and found out who he was, and that he was about to report for a jail term pretty soon. That problem solved itself, and I told my instructor about it. He smiled, "Until the next one comes along." I didn't believe him at the time - not that I'm naive, I just wanted to savor the respite for a bit with some friendly denial.

Respite over. Last night a distant acquaintance of an acquaintance who I politely declined a date with a few weeks ago crossed the line in a serious way. A couple times he'd say hello from across the street with an idiosyncratic "What's my name?" I went from a non-committal wave a couple times to simply ignoring him and dragging my dog along. Last night he crossed the street and followed me. "What's my name ... what's my name ... what's my name." Gone was any semblance of a friendly tone. I did a lifetime first of crossing the street and walking the other way, and going a block out of my way to get home from a different direction.

It was a final straw that should have dropped a few years ago. This morning I got up early and perused the classifieds, and I talked to a mortgage broker. Thanks to the housing crash, I can afford a lot more than I thought, in a neighborhood I love, with much better safety. I'm about 6 months of savings away from making a proper down payment with closing costs. That's a huge deal, because I thought it would be more like 2-3 years.

:boing2:

Donations can be sent via Paypal, credit card, or homing pigeon. (kidding!)

It sounds like you need a bigger dog. LOL I have recently been involved in a situation where a guy that used to hang out with my Girlfriend had made threats and questioned my sexuality, blah , blah, blah. I was reading a book on a bus when I noticed he was on the bus as well. I couldn't help but look in his direction as he was getting off, when he confronted me. He asked if I had a problem and I said yes. He got off at the welfare office and I have been simply waiting for the next time we would meet. Oddly enough he went to jail for attacking a guy whom was letting him stay at his place but later asked him to pack his thing and leave.
The moral of the story is that sometimes they move. LOL
Sean

 

[Flea]

Update:

I called to file a report, and the operator blew me off. "There's nothing criminal about asking someone to say their name. Call us back if he makes a habit of it." I asked her to kick me upstairs. She gave me to the dispatcher instead, who sent an officer out. No, without some hard data on who he is, they can't do anything. But they'd be happy to follow up if I give them something to go on. And it's now in the computer that they responded to my call about harassment.

Fair 'nuff. I can't mention this to the neighbor who introduced us. This neighbor is very sweet and naive, and has major neuro and psych issues. Despite the fact that he's pushing 40 and living with his parents, he's a decorated Korean war vet and a horse trainer for the Kentucky Derby. I can't imagine what would filter back to Creep if I went that route. (And no, I wouldn't hold any of this against my neighbor either. If he can barely take care of himself, how is he supposed to be any kind of a judge of character?) I have a dear friend on the next block who's lived in the neighborhood for 35 years and knows just about everyone. I think he can help. If he can't, he can certainly take my mind off it with some sparkling conversation.

In the grand scheme? I'll be all right.

 

[Carol]

Ugggh....how frustrating!

I hope this can get resolved quickly and painlessly. *crossing fingers*

 

[jks9199]

Thanks everyone.

I spent some time back at my city's domestic violence shelter (sigh) and they explained some of the legalese of filing a police report vs a criminal complaint. (They agreed that I have good reason to get paranoid on this one.) I don't know Creep's full name or address, but I'm asking around quietly. I don't think there's much the police can do without that, so I'll have to wait and report another day.

As I stepped out with my dog this afternoon, I scored big time - a crappy old beater oozed by with Creepazoid at the wheel! I know it was him because he waved. The tags had a # that looked to be out of state; I didn't have my glasses on to see the details, but that'll make my job a lot easier. I think I know where to find the truck parked tonight, to copy down the info under relative cover of relative darkness.

This sense of control may be illusory, but I'll take comfort in it. It'll certainly light a fire under my practice!

The police have tools and ways to identify someone, with very little information. (Some of them are also publicly available.) I suspect this guy may already be known to the system...

Make the report. Get the case number & responding officers's names. Start a file for yourself documenting these incidents.

Update:

I called to file a report, and the operator blew me off. "There's nothing criminal about asking someone to say their name. Call us back if he makes a habit of it." I asked her to kick me upstairs. She gave me to the dispatcher instead, who sent an officer out. No, without some hard data on who he is, they can't do anything. But they'd be happy to follow up if I give them something to go on. And it's now in the computer that they responded to my call about harassment.

Fair 'nuff. I can't mention this to the neighbor who introduced us. This neighbor is very sweet and naive, and has major neuro and psych issues. Despite the fact that he's pushing 40 and living with his parents, he's a decorated Korean war vet and a horse trainer for the Kentucky Derby. I can't imagine what would filter back to Creep if I went that route. (And no, I wouldn't hold any of this against my neighbor either. If he can barely take care of himself, how is he supposed to be any kind of a judge of character?) I have a dear friend on the next block who's lived in the neighborhood for 35 years and knows just about everyone. I think he can help. If he can't, he can certainly take my mind off it with some sparkling conversation.

In the grand scheme? I'll be all right.

Does the agency have a domestic violence or victim's services section? If not, call the supervisor. You have harassment. You have grounds to make a report. Don't let the officers punt it because they don't want to deal with it. It's not a long report; at this point they can simply document "Unknown person, first name Whatever, has been harassing Complainant by... Report filed for information only."

And -- next time the creep tries to contact you, tell him to go away and not to bother you again.

 

[CoryKS]

Despite the fact that he's pushing 40 and living with his parents, he's a decorated Korean war vet and a horse trainer for the Kentucky Derby.

Wait, what?