Your Personal Space

[MJS]

I'm sure everyone has a comfort zone that they like to keep when talking to someone. How close do you allow someone to get to you before you start to feel a bit uneasy?

Now, its one thing if its family. During the holidays, at least in my family, when we have everyone get together for Christmas, the place is packed. So of course, if you're trying to talk to someone who you havent seen in a while, it may be necessary to get up close and personal, because a) its hard to hear with everyone else talking and b) there is limited room, so you need to be right near the person.

In this case, I'm talking about someone you don't know, or someone who, while you know them, you still prefer that they maintain a distance while speaking with you.

For myself, I like arms reach. This still gives you some room to move or react should things get out of hand.

Looking forward to your thoughts!

Mike

 

[MahaKaal]

Elbow distance

 

[terryl965]

Anything closer than three feet makes me nervous

 

[morph4me]

I like about 4-5 feet for a person my size, farther for a taller person, a little closer for a shorter person. That gives me at least one step before he can hit or kick me with any kind of penetration, unless he has something that extends his reach.

 

[MA-Caver]

For me it depends largely upon my first impression of the person and where I am at the moment.
I've had total strangers walk up and get very close, like body to body contact, put their arm around my shoulders and speak very closely to my face. I was a bit uneasy but allowed it because I didn't have cause to fear and where I was was "supposedly" a safe place and nobody was going to do any harm to anyone else. But at the first opportunity I managed to create the space of two or three feet between us in a polite and respectful way that we both understood.

I've been in crowds, large and small. Had people bustle up close to me on busses, subway cars and the like. In restaurants, movie theater lines and so on. Fact of life, you're going to get crowded and you're gonna get bumped, touched and brushed up against. Often times you can't avoid it. Deal with it and go on. Be ready for anything however, expect the unexpected.

The ONE place that no-one can touch is my mind. The space I create in there is impenetrable. No matter how close physically someone gets to me they can't get past that barrier I've built up. I can let them but it'll be to my choosing.

 

[FearlessFreep]

I like about 4-5 feet for a person my size, farther for a taller person, a little closer for a shorter person. That gives me at least one step before he can hit or kick me with any kind of penetration, unless he has something that extends his reach.

Yeah, I was thinking "roundhouse distance" myself

 

[Tez3]

To be honest I have no personal space, it doesn't bother me how close people get, I don't find it threatening. I think it's why as a woman I've never been bothered about grappling. I'm used to Europeans especially Mediterranean Europeans to whom private space and indeed privacy don't actually mean much lol! They are also generally very tactile as I am.
If someone means you harm them coming in close does actually make it harder for them to hit or kick you and it's as easy (or not) to deal with them as it is someone at a distance.

 

[Ahriman]

Now that's an interesting thing. I don't like letting someone I don't know well closer than about 1.5-2m.

Tez3, what you said is a part of one of my favourites paradoxes. If the attacker is close to me, he (or she) won't be able to generate that much force, but is close enough for stabs or grappling, both with very minimal telegraphing. If the attacker is at a distance, the movement he may make is easier to notice, but he can generate a tremendous amount of force.
Now as I always prepare for the worst scenario (that's a knife attack - against a determined gunner only a few have chance... or should I call it luck? Either way, I don't feel myself trained or lucky enough to ever try it), so I prefer them to be farther away. If a knife attack is out of the possibility list for some reason, they could come closer - but a knife is never out of the list, so they stay there. If for some reason they must be closer, I try to keep the environment in my mind for easier evasion if required. Now if there isn't any free space and I have someone very close to me... then I screwed up something. Those are the cases when I make sure that at least one of my hands is on the grip of at least one weapon and start speaking to ease the problems. Now if I don't have space, don't have weapons and I have someone in my face, I screwed up miserably. That's when luck comes into play as an unarmed and/or unprepared and/or undetermined attacker is LUCK, nothing else.
This may be very different for those cultures where private space is less important, but here when you're outside elevators and public transportation and someone goes very close to you it means a high possibility of trouble.
...
Hm, did I say before that I don't really trust humans?

 

[tshadowchaser]

It depends greatly on where I am and the situation at hand.
At work , I have to be shoulder to shoulder or even head to head much of the time so I accept that. In a bar I know that shoulder to shoulder may be what is going to happen but I still prefer to be 3 feet or so away when talking there.
On the street I do not want strangers to get within 5 feet if we are talking. I will ( and have) put my hand up in a “stop” movement to keep them at that distance till I assess the situation

 

[KenpoTex]

It depends greatly on where I am and the situation at hand.
At work , I have to be shoulder to shoulder or even head to head much of the time so I accept that. In a bar I know that shoulder to shoulder may be what is going to happen but I still prefer to be 3 feet or so away when talking there.
On the street I do not want strangers to get within 5 feet if we are talking. I will ( and have) put my hand up in a “stop” movement to keep them at that distance till I assess the situation

that's pretty much my take on the issue.

 

[Xue Sheng]

It depends greatly on where I am and the situation at hand.
At work , I have to be shoulder to shoulder or even head to head much of the time so I accept that. In a bar I know that shoulder to shoulder may be what is going to happen but I still prefer to be 3 feet or so away when talking there.
On the street I do not want strangers to get within 5 feet if we are talking. I will ( and have) put my hand up in a “stop” movement to keep them at that distance till I assess the situation

This is my feeling as well.

I noticed that my comfort space in the US is much larger than in China too. It is a cultural thing I guess as well.

 

[zDom]

For myself, I like arms reach. This still gives you some room to move or react should things get out of hand.

Me too.

I may permit closer depending on the situation — a crowded company Christmas party, for example. Or making my way through a crowd when it is unreasonable to expect that large of a personal space.

But I am more on edge, more alert, in these situations.

If there is an obvious threat, however, I will CREATE that distance, even in a crowded situation.

 

[Steel Tiger]

Its interesting to see how many people, when considering personal space, immediately think of combat ranges. Nothing wrong with that, it makes sense, but to me combat range and personal space are two different things.

It always brings to mind a cartoon which depicts the personal space of three different countries. In the first frame are Chinese people shoulder to shoulder with each other. In the second frame are some Americans about 5m apart. In the last frame are two Australians on hilltops far from each other. This might explain why our cities are so spread out.

I have found, through interaction with people from many different countries, that the idea of personal space varies considerably, but within very obvious general guidelines. People from more populace countries have a smaller personal space than those from less populated countries.

My own personal space is pretty damn big, about 3-5m depending on who the other people are. That is not the distance I would feel comfortable engaging someone in combat though, I look to get a lot closer.

 

[Deaf Smith]

One's personal space is dictated by ones capabilty to react as well as the circumstances.

As the Tuller drill showed, for an 'average' person it took 1.5 seconds for a person to go through the whole OODA loop cycle and react to a man rushing them with a knife, draw a concealed handgun, and stop the attacker. The attacker, it turns out, could make 7 yards in that time! A rather large amout of personal space, right?

On the other hand, circumstances really do dictate ones personal space. Times like late at night, or in a bad part of town, or alone with a stranger, all call for more personal space than say, at the office in the day.

Normaly I perfer 2 ft personal space (unless she is a hot chick...;-) But if I'm at a stop-n-shop at 2 AM, unknown part of town, the personal space is much greater, not to mention I look for indicators something is wrong.

Start realisticly testing how fast you can react to a given situation, without any pre-clues something is going down. Might suprise you.

Deaf

 

[Tez3]

I find it interesting that so many people are so defensive and assume all the time that they will be attacked. Is it a sign that you come from violent societies?

 

[KenpoTex]

I find it interesting that so many people are so defensive and assume all the time that they will be attacked. Is it a sign that you come from violent societies?

No, it's because there are violent people out there and maintaining more of a reactionary gap when dealing with people you don't know might give you the time you need to effectively respond if they are planning to attack you.

I don't expect people I meet at parties/work/social gatherings to stay 5 feet away but there is no reason for me to let the guy at the gas-station get any closer.

 

[Hawke]

I personally do not like total strangers getting too close to me.

When I travel I notice that culturally some people like to get close.

Sometimes you're at a crowded place like a concert or a popular movie and have to accept extremely close contact.

When I get an uneasy feeling I prefer to move myself away. I like around 8 to 10 feet. I guess it's because I live in a violent society, but I do not amp myself constantly.

Be aware, but stay calm.

 

[samurai69]

In the UK i would reckon on two equual 3/4 arms lengths as the natural personal space for an adult conversation if you didnt know the other person and maybe as a natural prsonal space still of a good arms length, even in a fairly noisey invironment

but here in portugal the natural personal distance is way closer almost nose to nose even with someone you dont know, for example all men that have been introduced only once will always hand shake and people are so much more tactile

i still feel uncomfortable at these closer distances but have changed the way i use basic natural fences and guards when i am talking to people in the nosier environments.



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[Tez3]

In the UK i would reckon on two equual 3/4 arms lengths as the natural personal space for an adult conversation if you didnt know the other person and maybe as a natural prsonal space still of a good arms length, even in a fairly noisey invironment

but here in portugal the natural personal distance is way closer almost nose to nose even with someone you dont know, for example all men that have been introduced only once will always hand shake and people are so much more tactile

i still feel uncomfortable at these closer distances but have changed the way i use basic natural fences and guards when i am talking to people in the nosier environments.




I like tactile! It's also the custom to kiss (cheeks) members of the opposite sex when meeting and the same sex when they are close relatives. Women will kiss females on meeting too. this is as well as shaking hands. How many time you kiss on cheeks depends on where you live, in the south of France they will kiss three times, the north relatives three but friends and acquaintances twice.
In the societies where closeness is the norm it's more likely that if you were to be attacked the attacker would keep their distance at first rather than come close.

 

[morph4me]

I find it interesting that so many people are so defensive and assume all the time that they will be attacked. Is it a sign that you come from violent societies?

I don't think it's that we assume that we will be attacked all the time, it's more of the recognition that the possibility of attack exists all the time. Looking both ways before you cross the street doesn't assume that you will be hit by a car every time you step into the street, just makes sure you see the cars coming.