What fears have you conquered through MA?

[kidswarrior]

OK, in line with the character building aspect of MA that many of us subscribe to and promote, I ran across something recently that made me ask, What fears have I conquered through MA? You? And not for the feint of heart, What new fears have I/you acquired?

These come to mind for me (only fair that I go first):

Conquered:
Some of the mysteries of the road to black belt--Could I be good enough? What would it take? Did I have it?

Conquered:
My all-or-nothing response to physical threat. Before Asian MA, I had only one gear: beat on him (and him on me) until someone stopped me. Not a great feeling as I got older. Now, am trained to meet the level of aggression with an appropriate level of response: just enough, no more, and of course, this means learning to control the fear and adrenaline dump that goes with it. By the way, this confidence leads to calmness and maybe a touch of humility, which seem to dispel most threats before they get off the ground. Everyone wins.

Developed:
Will I ever really be good? Not BB good, but a master. And I don't mean, Will someone give me a title. Doesn't matter. In my heart of hearts, alone with my thoughts in bed at night, can I do it? Can I be that good? Do I even have the right raw material?

Developed:
Is my art as good as I think--and tell others? Or am I fooling myself and them?

Anyone else care to chime in?

 

[FearlessFreep]

I no longer fear being in public in pajamas

 

[terryl965]

Really I never had any fear only desire to be the best and after 40 years I'm still trying to be the best every minute of every day

 

[lostinseattle]

I guess I don't fear rolling on the ground anymore. I used to not know how to fall very well.

Other than that, I don't think MA really helps with fears. Because when you first take MA you probably think that you will be like Bruce Lee and can beat anybody.

But, if you take MA for long enough you probably realize that not only can you be beaten by somebody with a knife or gun, but also you can get hurt just training. The body is a pretty fragile thing.

So if anything, I don't think MA really helps with fears.

 

[meta_aesthete]

I agree with Seattle to a point. If anything my MA training has made me more aware of exactly how little I want to get into a real confrontation. Which is in itself a more valuable self-defense lesson than any technique, IMO.

The best you can hope for from any MA is that it helps you manage the fears you already have and can't avoid. You should be afraid of getting in a street fight. It's a scary thing for anyone, no matter how experienced or tough you are. But the tough and experienced guys have built up personality structures that help them control or even use fear. And that's really all you can do.

 

[lostinseattle]

I agree with Seattle to a point. If anything my MA training has made me more aware of exactly how little I want to get into a real confrontation. Which is in itself a more valuable self-defense lesson than any technique, IMO.

The best you can hope for from any MA is that it helps you manage the fears you already have and can't avoid. You should be afraid of getting in a street fight. It's a scary thing for anyone, no matter how experienced or tough you are. But the tough and experienced guys have built up personality structures that help them control or even use fear. And that's really all you can do.

If you want to get over your fears of street fights, I'd say go down to downtown Seattle or the bad neighborhoods of whatever city of your choice, and hang around the rough and homeless people for a while, and get into a few street fights. At least then you know what to expect.

Of course, that could also get you hurt or killed, so I wouldn't recommend it.

 

[Empty Hands]

The fear of getting hit. Granted, this one is in progress.

 

[MA-Caver]

Fears are very personal things. Sometimes too personal. I had a thread a little while back that asked a question related to fears and never was responded to... sigh. Basically what did one do to Conquer that fear. The question didn't ask to name the fear just what they have done to beat it.

All fears are justified in one way or another. Just as all fears can be beaten. They simply must be faced and like the mantra in Dune, allowed to be passed through and out and looking within to see that you still are around.

With me my MA training has given me confidence... is that fear removal...probably so. Confidence to at least face an opponent if necessary... i.e. no place to run or simply no getting out of it. Actual use of my MA training has allowed me to realize and trust (again have confidence) in that it will help me when I need help. This was roughly 20 years ago.

Also it helped alleviate the fear of looking stupid when executing the moves/techniques. Because like that one Wing Chun video... folks were laughing at that guy on the street until he knocked that other guy out with a single punch.

 

[kidswarrior]

Fears are very personal things. Sometimes too personal. I had a thread a little while back that asked a question related to fears and never was responded to... sigh. Basically what did one do to Conquer that fear. The question didn't ask to name the fear just what they have done to beat it.

Didn't see that thread. I would have responded. And yes, this is kind of a personal question, maybe a little controversial even, so I expected a lot of 'I'm not afraid', or covering fear with jokes, or whatever, all of which is OK. Just wanted to put the question out there. Like the old adage, we often say what we need to hear. So, this question was something I needed to work through as much as anything.

With me my MA training has given me confidence... is that fear removal...probably so. Confidence to at least face an opponent if necessary... i.e. no place to run or simply no getting out of it. Actual use of my MA training has allowed me to realize and trust (again have confidence) in that it will help me when I need help. This was roughly 20 years ago.

I think we all hope for this. Glad you achieved it.

Also it helped alleviate the fear of looking stupid when executing the moves/techniques. Because like that one Wing Chun video... folks were laughing at that guy on the street until he knocked that other guy out with a single punch.

Interesting that you shared this. I believe again this (fear of embarrassment) is very widespread, although probably not widely admitted. You do yourself and us a service by your answer.

 

[Yeti]

The fear of getting hit.

 

[kidswarrior]

The fear of getting hit. Granted, this one is in progress.

Yep!

 

[kidswarrior]

The fear of getting hit.

Amazing how many of us had this, huh? :ultracool

 

[kidswarrior]

Really I never had any fear only desire to be the best and after 40 years I'm still trying to be the best every minute of every day

40 years and still trying to improve! Very Inspiring!

 

[Ceicei]

I had tried several attempts at making a reply and backed out. Well, here goes, and this time I will submit the post.

I have learned much from MA.

1) Initially, I learned to control the fears that resulted from a bad experience that makes relating to males difficult. I learned to develop trust again by learning that not all "males are alike". Having several training partners who were males made this a very obvious point. I learned that they truly did care.

2) As time progressed, I learned to take on physical challenges I wouldn't have otherwise done. There were many things I feared, and facing them head-on made me learn I am physically able to do other things.

3) I then turned to focus upon myself. There were some trials/addictions I had and training in MA forced me to realize the destructiveness. These were a cover-up of my fears (a band-aid) and were supposedly a comfort. Through MA, I realized I needed to examine who I am and what I can do to replace the destructiveness with something more positive. The addictions will always be there, but now I know what they are, why I do them, and what I can do to alleviate/reduce the need.

4) Not too long ago, there was a major fall-out between me and another person. I could have easily just written it off and moved on with my life, totally avoiding the other person. I didn't like him and I was afraid of having to deal with him. Since both of us are in MA, I realized I will never be able to master myself if I do not take the effort to learn how to change my way of thinking about him. It wasn't easy. I was very, very resistant with the idea of working with him and had a lot of negativity, but both of us were willing to try to start over with our training relationship. How we think effects how we do, so I had to change my perspective, and he with his. Over time, we finally were able to develop a better working relationship, and I think we learned to respect each other again. This was not an easy lesson. Now, I can say this second chance was worth it.

- Ceicei

 

[kidswarrior]

I had tried several attempts at making a reply and backed out. Well, here goes, and this time I will submit the post.

Thanks!

I have learned much from MA.

1) Initially, I learned to control the fears that resulted from a bad experience that makes relating to males difficult. I learned to develop trust again by learning that not all "males are alike". Having several training partners who were males made this a very obvious point. I learned that they truly did care.

I applaud you for this, and for the courage to share it.

2) As time progressed, I learned to take on physical challenges I wouldn't have otherwise done. There were many things I feared, and facing them head-on made me learn I am physically able to do other things.

My only child is female, so I watched girls'/women's sports year round for about 22 years. Many fabulously gifted people; and everyone I saw proved they are--if not equally gifted--certainly competent people.

3) I then turned to focus upon myself. There were some trials/addictions I had and training in MA forced me to realize the destructiveness. These were a cover-up of my fears (a band-aid) and were supposedly a comfort. Through MA, I realized I needed to examine who I am and what I can do to replace the destructiveness with something more positive. The addictions will always be there, but now I know what they are, why I do them, and what I can do to alleviate/reduce the need.

Will only say I admire you for seeing and saying this. Have had to deal with similar issues of my own, and never thought about it, but now see MA was probably a part of the solution.

4) Not too long ago, there was a major fall-out between me and another person. I could have easily just written it off and moved on with my life, totally avoiding the other person. I didn't like him and I was afraid of having to deal with him. Since both of us are in MA, I realized I will never be able to master myself if I do not take the effort to learn how to change my way of thinking about him. It wasn't easy. I was very, very resistant with the idea of working with him and had a lot of negativity, but both of us were willing to try to start over with our training relationship. How we think effects how we do, so I had to change my perspective, and he with his. Over time, we finally were able to develop a better working relationship, and I think we learned to respect each other again. This was not an easy lesson. Now, I can say this second chance was worth it.

- Ceicei

Very clear, honest, poignant post Ceicei. Thank you very much.

 

[mijemi]

I don't think I've completely conquered this one but I'm certainly beginning to overcome the fear of being helpless. I now feel that regardless of the attack I can fight back - maybe not win, maybe die trying but that's better than just taking it right?

 

[K' Evans]

Interesting thread, I also have to turn the question on its head. I can't deny that one of the reasons I took MA is becos I was once verbally abused in public and had an impact on me. It's a good thing it was merely verbal but it could have been physical if I wasn't composed abt it.

Taking MA certainly helped me understand my fear in that, as in the feeling of being abused (verbally or physically) and being helpless abt it. Yet at the same time, taking MA has also made me realise how scary a serious fight can turn out to be. It's definitely no joke, if two people are hell bent on hurting each other, and I think even a skilled martial artists needs to be in an iron state of mind to be prepared to be hurt. Even the most untrained person can put a serious injury on you if that's all he got on his mind.

I feel, more than anything, the lessons from MA can be spilled into various aspects of your life, that is if you are a person willingly to train in an environment where you punch, kick, grapple, hit and get hurt on a weekly basis, inevitably you are going to be more confident about taking on other challenges in life. Everyone has their own fears to conquer, and I don't think it always has to be related to a physical one (e.g. getting hurt/bullied). People can feel victimised in all sorts of situations, and I would like to think MA can play a role in buffering that.

 

[karatekid1975]

Ceicei, very inspiring post. It almost made me cry, because I was just like you.

I was physically abused as a kid (twice by a molestor). Since then, I had a fear of getting hit/hurt. When I started MA, it was worse than I thought. I would not spar for the first year. When I did at testing time, I would basically back off alot and avoid getting hurt. But one day, I was told that I HAD to spar by a previous instructor (this was when I moved and switched to TKD). Man, was scared. TKD being full contact ... YIKES! But he told me that lower ranks are light contact, so I felt a little better. I geared up, and over time, got used to taking hits. The rest is history. Sparring is still not my favorite part of MA, but I DO NOT back down when I spar. And I took some pretty nasty shots over the years, but I get right back in there, and go for it again.

 

[kidswarrior]

I don't think I've completely conquered this one but I'm certainly beginning to overcome the fear of being helpless. I now feel that regardless of the attack I can fight back - maybe not win, maybe die trying but that's better than just taking it right?

Yes, it is! And when most street criminals (in my experience) run into your kind of determination, they go away. Too much trouble and risk of being seen/caught.

 

[kidswarrior]

I am humbled by many of these responses. Lots of courage on display.