What do you want from me?

[Pinigseu1]

I have been teaching for awhile now and most of the students that i've come into contact with have done well and achieved great things mentally and physically.
But lately i've been noticing that some of the kids I have now need more than just training, they need for the parents to get on the same page as the instructor and follow the game plan at home as well. So with that said, how do we get the parents on the right track without crossing the line with them about their child? I don't know how many times i've lost students because they do well at the Dojang but when they go home the parents seem to let them fall back into their bad habits, and then when they come back to class the parent wants us to fix the problems. Soon they stop coming because they don't see any progress and it's our fault. Can anyone shed some light on the subject for me because I want to fix the problem but I don't know their situation.

 

[granfire]

Good luck, when you find the answer, I am sure you can sell it for millions.

It reminds me of the episode of 'The Simpsons' were Ned Flanders goes nuts and checks himself into a mental hospital. They show a flash back of his hippie parents dropping him off 'We tried nothing, man, and we are all out of ideas!'

It pretty much sums up the problem: the parental units are falling down on the job, letting kiddo get away with murder and then expect the 'Karadee' instructor to jerk a knot in him....
Kid functions fine when he deals with adults who don't accept crap, but as soon as he walks into the lobby he treats the parents like the dropped off a dog's behind (and I think the parents deserve it.)

it might take a village, but the parents are the prime caregivers and disciplinarians....and they raise the kids they deserve, richly so.

I think you can save yourself a lot of trouble by telling the parents point blank that that won't work if they don't enforce their ideas at home. Either way, they will blame you, since you can't work miracles, or you are mean....but this way you can at least say you gave it an honest to goodness try and safe yourself the heart ache should they decide to depart sooner than later.

 

[chrispillertkd]

I have been teaching for awhile now and most of the students that i've come into contact with have done well and achieved great things mentally and physically.
But lately i've been noticing that some of the kids I have now need more than just training, they need for the parents to get on the same page as the instructor and follow the game plan at home as well. So with that said, how do we get the parents on the right track without crossing the line with them about their child?

Speaking as a parent, you don't get the parents on the same page as the teacher. The parents are the primary educators of their own children. If they are sending their kids to a martial arts school they must see some sort of value in the training to begin with. Hopefully they will reinforce it at home (the teaching about courtesy, self-discipline, etc. obviously not the physical techniques). But if they don't the teacher isn't responsible to "convert" them. It's their child, not the instructors. Maybe some older children, teens, can continue to develop mentally even if their parents aren't reinforcing what they've learned. But the instructor must be careful not to usurp the role of the parent in any way (I'm not saying you're doing this, btw, I'm just speaking in generalities). The parents are the child's first and primary teacher. Other teachers, martial arts or otherwise, are only helping them. Maybe they don't want help in a certain area.

I don't know how many times i've lost students because they do well at the Dojang but when they go home the parents seem to let them fall back into their bad habits, and then when they come back to class the parent wants us to fix the problems. Soon they stop coming because they don't see any progress and it's our fault. Can anyone shed some light on the subject for me because I want to fix the problem but I don't know their situation.

You haven't specified what the old "bad habits" are so I can't really address any specifics. I will say, however, that if the parents were seriously interested in, for example, their child learning courtesy, self-control, discipline, etc. then they'd at least point out to the child when theses behaviors were lacking outside the school. If not, maybe they aren't really all that interested in their child developing these characteristics in the first place. You can point out the benefits they'd get from them and keep trying to instill them (first and foremost as an example of them yourself) but anything else isn't really your job.

Pax,

Chris

 

[Gorilla]

I have been involved in TKD FOR 11 years....my participation started out as minimal basically a drop off low maintenance parent for the first two years...I was alway involved with my kids other sports but let my wife handle this portion....I went to my sons first tournament and saw how much he loved it and how good he was...at that point started to become I involved...I started to go to class and watch...I think this is what The Master was looking for because he immediately engaged me and started to get us involved in events at the studio...he would take time to talk to me about the sport he made sure that we got to know the other involved parents and it has taken off from there...we moved to Las Vegas and started off with really poor instructor...we moved on after six months and worked with a really good instructor but after 3 years that had out grown his school....We moved on to a great Karate instructor who in 2 years has had a profound impact on my kids...the TKD school my kids train at and instruct at but this is more of a collaborative effort....their coach is in Virginia...I spend allot of time tt instructors 3 or 4 times a day...I think the key is engaging parents in the process and explaining why you do things and what benefit it brings

 

[Marcy Shoberg]

I send the parents of my child students this link:

http://www.solvingdisciplineproblems.com/FreeDisciplineCourse.php

of course, some follow it and some don't.

 

[Pinigseu1]

Thank you all for the feed back. I will work on some other angles as well. Its a little harder for me to engage the parents though because im not the master of the school so when he is not there I direct the parents to him for show of respect.

 

[ralphmcpherson]

Another thing is to fail the kids who arent up to speed. Nothing undermines what you are trying to do quicker than having kids who dont put the extra work in passing gradings. It says to the kids who have trained hard "why did I bother, this other kid stuffs around, does no work outside of the dojang and we both pass", and it says to the lazy kid "hey , look I passed without putting any real effort in, lucky I didnt waste my time practicing at home". Nothing drives the point home like failing a grading, especially with kids.

 

[Balrog]

I have been teaching for awhile now and most of the students that i've come into contact with have done well and achieved great things mentally and physically.
But lately i've been noticing that some of the kids I have now need more than just training, they need for the parents to get on the same page as the instructor and follow the game plan at home as well. So with that said, how do we get the parents on the right track without crossing the line with them about their child?

What works best for us has been requesting that parents not just drop the kid off, but actually come in and watch the classes, so that they can help reinforce whatever the theme of the testing cycle is. In addition, regular parent conferences are invaluable. You can report on the kid's progress, get the parents to support it, and find out if they think something is missing, which you can then address.