"The Rape Game"

[Carol]

5th grade boy, 1st and 2nd grade girls.

The youngest students in Boston Public School history get suspended on Sexual Harrassment charges after engaging in what a 7-year old calls "The Rape Game"

How does this happen?

http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2006/05/20/5_at_elementary_school_suspended/

 

[Kacey]

How does it happen? Because children are not taught to distinguish right from wrong at home. Would monitors on the bus help? Probably. Should the school district have to pay for monitors because the parents don't parent? No, I don't think so - I notice that the time they state they had more monitors was during desegregation, a time during which the parents of some children taught their children to hate, and to attack (physically or psychologically) what they hate. In this case, it appears that some of the parents have not taught their children what is acceptable behavior. These two quotes stood out for me:

''That's crazy!" said Joanna Lopes as her son, 7, climbed into the car. ''You know, as parents we can't blame the teachers or the bus drivers. This comes down to the parents. They need to be more involved in their kids' lives, find out what's going on with them."

and

Beyond that, Banister said, it is up to parents to teach their children right from wrong and to turn off the television when adult programs are on. ''This behavior is picked up from somewhere," she said. ''Children repeat what they hear and see. And there are too many young parents who allow their children to watch the same kind of television shows they watch. Parents need to understand kids model what they see."

I disagree with this quote:

Priscilla Banister, a teacher in the Boston public schools who was picking up her 6-year-old grandchild, expressed similar frustrations and also called for better monitoring on school buses. ''You know, I don't understand why video cameras on school buses are not legal," Banister said. ''The children just being aware of the camera will change their behavior."

If these children were concerned about being seen, they would not have engaged in this "game" on a school bus. At least some of them (as I realize that some may have been led by the others) must have learned this behavior somewhere, and somehow gained the impression that it was acceptable - and acceptable behavior does not need to be hidden, so a camera would not have deterred it, merely made it more obvious who had started what part of the activity. I find attempts to place blame on the district for not providing monitors or cameras, instead of on the parents, to be wrong.

 

[RandomPhantom700]

If these children were concerned about being seen, they would not have engaged in this "game" on a school bus. At least some of them (as I realize that some may have been led by the others) must have learned this behavior somewhere, and somehow gained the impression that it was acceptable - and acceptable behavior does not need to be hidden, so a camera would not have deterred it, merely made it more obvious who had started what part of the activity. I find attempts to place blame on the district for not providing monitors or cameras, instead of on the parents, to be wrong.

I'd also like to add that, in this case, we're talking about really young kids, not middle or high school teenangsters. I dont think cameras would have done anything because kids at such young ages are literally just mimicing what they see elsewhere, they wouldn't have been worried about being seen. I agree that this is just a case of very young kids learning some behavior and not learning it to be innappropriate. Luckily, they're so young that I don't think it will leave any lasting psychological impressions on any of the kids involved.

Once again, parents, PAY ATTENTION.

 

[Swordlady]

This is downright appalling. I really don't have any other words, except where are these children's parents???

Children may be getting bombarded with sexual images in popular culture (just look at most mainstream movies, music, videogames, etc), but it is still their parents' responsibility to help filter through all that garbage - and instill in them some sense of morality.

 

[Xue Sheng]

This stuff scares the hell out of me, I have a young daughter.

Many years ago I dated a woman that was a Kindergarten teacher in a religious school and she had a student in her class that had been kicked out of 3 schools prior to his arrival in her class and one of those expulsions was for threatening a teacher with a knife.

She meant with the parents to discuss their child’s behavior, he was discussing pornographic material he had seen and touching young girls improperly.

Upone meeting with the parents she discovered that the mother was very young and the father was much older, this by itself means nothing really. But the mother appeared to either not care about the child or what the father did or both and the father left his porno mags everywhere and watched porno movies all the time, saw nothing wrong with it and that was that. And the mother said virtually nothing, the father did most of the talking.

The state was called after that and that is all I know.

But much of the moral side of education is up to the parents not the school. And it must start early. If it is not there.... problems occur

 

[MA-Caver]

It is appalling and scandalous. And yes, the parents have GOT to be at fault, because they should be involved with 99% of the things that goes on in their child's lives. The other 1% the child shares with the parent. Given that, this situation isn't or shouldn't be as shocking because it's the type of thing that been going on for generations. Back in my younger days it was called "playing house or playing doctor". It's been going on but with this type of subject it's considered taboo to speak of it and hidden away in the homes of the parents whose children are reported participating in such activities in public schools or playgrounds or where-ever. It was the responsiblity of the parents then just as it is now.

Where are these kids learning it? Definitely from over publicized multi-media exposure as films, TV, magazines, books and so forth. But also sometimes learned at home and taught by older siblings and unfortunately by the parent(s) themselves. The subject is so taboo that it isn't even mentioned as a possiblity in the articles. Mainly because there's no proof of it and it could very well lead to a slander lawsuit which of course nobody wants, right?

In my early years with Alcoholic Anyonmous I've met dozens of women of various ages who (over an after meeting coffee) confided in me that one of the reasons for their drinking was because of the inner pain of an (secret) incestous affair with a family member at a young age. So to say that at "that young age there won't be any long lasting effects" is erroneous. That some people deal with it better than others is correct, but over all it affects those thousands of victims for years to come. Promiscuity in high-school and college and beyond. Extra-martial affairs because they're not getting what they're unknowingly missing; in some cases the extreme guilt of being sexualized by an adult or older sibling or someone that they're "not supposed to be with in-that-way." Other symptoms include but not limited to: drug use, excessive gambling, excessive drinking, chronic unemployment, criminal behavior, recycling the abuse with their own families, and so forth.

So these kids, confused and scared, are "acting out" by being with other kids and emulate to others whats being done to them. This may or may not be the case in EVERY scenario but I'm willing to bet that it's in at least 75% of the cases around the country and the rest of the world. Yet the subject is taboo and thus get shelved with the "family secret" and we don't dare mention it.

That parents are responsible for everything their child does is a given. Getting them to accept and enact that responsiblity is something else. Tucked away safely in the privacy of their homes they are free to do what they wish and raise their children in whatever (home) environment they see fit. I know of a couple that are avid nudists. I was told that once they get home "clothes go flying". Less now they said than when their kids were younger but it's not uncommon for mom or dad to walk from the shower/bathroom without a robe or towel wrapped around them. Are they wrong? In their eyes they're not and they're in their home. Another family I know rigidly enforces being clothed at all time, including bringing the change of clothes with them to the bathroom for after a shower/bath to be fully dressed when they emerge. Are they wrong? In their eyes they're not and they're in their home. And of course I've met dozens that are somewhere in between from one extreme to the other.
So inappropriateness varies from home to home. Right and wrong is relative. Restrictiveness of media varies from house to house.

Society as I've said before (elsewhere), is the one that determines the laws in this country/states/cities. Prositituion is legal in Nevada and so is gambling. Illegal in Utah and many other states. Why? Because the majority says so. Is it any wonder thatan adult will determine (most) of their actions and views based on the laws where they live. Morals, values and standards are based on what they were taught as children and (again) upon the laws in the cities/towns where they live. Their religious beliefs also play a factor.
Human weaknesses is another one.

An AA speaker I heard once said: "We, as adults, have learned to live up here (points to his head), children however base the information they're given down here (points to the heart), on what they feel...". A child will intutively feel that what someone is doing to them (physically) is wrong. They will say "stop" or "no" or try to get away. But are stopped by the smarter bigger and stronger adult/older sibling. They are often times manipulated into these situations. They (probably) won't understand why or understand what is happening and defintely won't understand the effect it's having on the person (adult) that's doing it to them. But they're told it's okay, just don't tell anyone. How much more confusing can that be? So in an attempt to figure out what makes "this" so exciting (as they get clues from heavy breathing and other signs of excitement) they'll "act-out" what they've learned. Their inate sense of right and wrong (feelings) that they're doing something that will get them in "trouble" makes it exciting and excitement of course (for both children and adults) equals "fun". So when asked the child may respond: "...'cause it was fun!"

Still, children are pre-wired to be curious about everything. So sometimes, lack of information can lead to this type of behavior. "Experimenting." Seeing something in a fleeting moment (a parent surfing the channels and pauses for about two seconds on a sex-scene shown on a tv program), or hearing older kids talk about it, or what/where/how-ever! Sometimes asking a parent may get a "tell you later" response, or no-response at all or one of those (stereotyped) birds and the bees kind of talks that leaves the kid even more confused than ever. What/when/how do we teach our children the things that they need to know?

Parents of course are supposed to teach their children that "this fun or that fun" is wrong. Supposed to by our societies sense of morals, standards and values. Right now in these United States (and other countries) we say that it is wrong for children to engage in any form of sexual activity with anyone until they've reached a certian age. In Taiwan it's okay for an adult to lay down (sexually) with a child. Here in the U.S. right now it's 18 years to be considered an adult that's permitted to engage in "adult-behavior", before I was born (I think) it was 21 yrs of age. At 44 yrs old now, I can see the wisdom of the maturity level being determined at 21. Now I wonder how long before we reset the legal age limit to 16?

Anyway, having an adult monitor on a bus is pushing a "police-state" mentality/environment but call it a necessary evil. Indeed children will be less likely to be inclined to "mis-behave" when there's an adult around. Bus drivers of course are too busy driving to get the kids to/from school safely to pay any close attention to what's going on. Question is; how much authority will the "monitor" have in enforcing the rules of conduct on the bus? Teachers now have a hard enough time imposing disciplinary measures on unruly kids in the classrooms as it is. When I was in jr. high ... you screw around enough and the teacher takes you in the hall or right in front of everybody and paddles your mischevious ***. Now a parent will cry "abuse!" because it's their right to discipline their children not somebody else.


What to do?
What to do?

Oh and one more... what is really scary... is the NAME of the game that the kids called it. The RAPE game. If this wasn't stopped then what kind of teenager/adult will those kids grow up to be? A news headline that may read someday in the future... "Rapist calls his actions: Playing a game!"

 

[Carol]

This stuff scares the hell out of me, I have a young daughter.

Many years ago I dated a woman that was a Kindergarten teacher in a religious school and she had a student in her class that had been kicked out of 3 schools prior to his arrival in her class and one of those expulsions was for threatening a teacher with a knife.

Scares the hell out of me too. I don't have any children so I can't say I see the world through a parents eyes...but good heavens this is just ghastly.

Yes, the parents should take responsibility but...they haven't.

Now the parents that have taken responsibility for their kids have some pretty tough questions. Good Lord, I can't imagine a 6 year old Little Dragon coming up to me and saying "Auntie Carol, what's The Rape Game?"

This world is spinning too fast sometimes.

 

[stickarts]

Sending your kids off to school has become pretty scary.
I agree that in many cases, its lack of strong parental guidance and setting boundries of right and wrong.

 

[Grenadier]

Implementing all sorts of programs are more like treating the symptoms, and not attacking the heart of the matter.

The others have already stated it quite well; if the society wants to prevent things like this from happening, then it comes down to the individuals, to make sure that the kids make the right choices. Amongst these choices are raising the kids properly, and instilling a good sense of morals, since when it comes down to it, nobody has greater influence on a child's direction, than what the two parents (or equivalents) do.

While this may not make a huge dent in overall problem, at least it's a step in the right direction that's honestly aimed at curing the illness, and not just treating the symptoms.

If you're a parent, simply put, talk to your kids. It's much, much better that they learn the songs of the "birds and bees" (or whatever sensitive issue) from you, than an unwholesome source. Show them that they can confide in you without fear.

 

[MA-Caver]

Implementing all sorts of programs are more like treating the symptoms, and not attacking the heart of the matter.

The others have already stated it quite well; if the society wants to prevent things like this from happening, then it comes down to the individuals, to make sure that the kids make the right choices. Amongst these choices are raising the kids properly, and instilling a good sense of morals, since when it comes down to it, nobody has greater influence on a child's direction, than what the two parents (or equivalents) do.

While this may not make a huge dent in overall problem, at least it's a step in the right direction that's honestly aimed at curing the illness, and not just treating the symptoms.

If you're a parent, simply put, talk to your kids. It's much, much better that they learn the songs of the "birds and bees" (or whatever sensitive issue) from you, than an unwholesome source. Show them that they can confide in you without fear.

Amen to that. Seems everyone wants to cure the symptoms and not the disease. Must be more profitable to do so via drugs, therapy, etc. Cure the disease and they got nothing else to do. Sheesh.

I couldn't talk to my Dad much back then, not that he hemmed and hawed just ... well... I couldn't talk to him about such things. Still love him and still consider him to be one of my best influences.
Getting kids to open up is an on going process. Letting them know to share and confide without the fear of you going ballistic and off the charts with over-reaction. Probably something to brain train for. A what if scenario that your kid (however old) sits down next to you and starts asking about why they felt funny when they were touched-that-way, or smoked a joint, or drank half of uncle jim's beer. You gonna go overboard or calmly talk to them about it and share your opinions and views and more importantly I think (and kids LOOK for this)... draw the line on the subject for them not to cross anymore.