something i've learned from kung fu movies

[jarrod]

you really want to try & choose a pretty mediocre school to train at. if you train at the best, you will inevitably be slaughtered by the evil school while your top student is away. if you are the top student, then you will somehow be responsible for your teacher's & fellow students' deaths. you will avenge them, of course, but in the process your family will be killed, especially if there is a cute kid in said family, & you just might die as well.

now the second best school is an option, but they are always evil & you will almost certainly have to participate in the massacre of the no. 1 school. if you're lucky, you may end your training with a firm beating from the best student at the number one school, but if you have any kind of skill you will probably die after a gruelling battle. if you go this route, be careful which weapon you choose to specialize in; it will most likely be used to kill you in your final battle. so try & pick something that can kill you quickly. sword is a pretty good choice. speciallizing in poison darts is not a good idea.

the 3rd & 4th best schools run the risk of being run over as the number 2 school fights its way to supremacy. especially if the 3rd & 4th school fight each other. the loser gets a beating, but the winner will invariably be killed by the evil school, & with incredible ease.

so i think to be safe, you probably want to train with like the 6th best school in the area. you'll still have better kung fu than most of the schlubs around, yet you're not quite on the radar for the big dogs. train with the 6th best, & you might even live to the end of the japanese occupation.

jf

 

[Aikikitty]

:roflmao:

I was thinking back at all the kung fu movies I've seen and you're pretty much dead on.

However, there have been times (I THINK it was Jackie Chan's "Snake in the Eagle's Shadow") when #2 best school comes and challenges the silly instructors when the head master is away. Silly instructors get beaten and all the students (except Jackie who wasn't really a student, but an orphan servant learning Kung Fu from an old drunken secret Kung Fu master on the side) say, "Hey, they're really good! Let's go train at their school." and they follow. So now the head master returns and needs to get his students back so has Jackie help him.

I agree that training at #6 best school is probably the wisest and least drama-inconvienant.

Robyn

 

[Bill Mattocks]

I think it is also important that your style not differ from the main antagonist. If he sees you, he will leap at you from a hidden position and his lips will writhe strangely, while the words that come out will sound basically like English. He'll tell that since your styles differ, you must fight. And he'll say "Hah hah!" a lot. Suddenly, all your punches that miss entirely will make a noise as if you had cracked a wet towel in a locker room. And you'll probably end up looking at your heart in the antagonist's hand just before you fall over backwards, dead. So try not to do that.

 

[Xue Sheng]

you really want to try & choose a pretty mediocre school to train at. if you train at the best, you will inevitably be slaughtered by the evil school while your top student is away. if you are the top student, then you will somehow be responsible for your teacher's & fellow students' deaths. you will avenge them, of course, but in the process your family will be killed, especially if there is a cute kid in said family, & you just might die as well.

now the second best school is an option, but they are always evil & you will almost certainly have to participate in the massacre of the no. 1 school. if you're lucky, you may end your training with a firm beating from the best student at the number one school, but if you have any kind of skill you will probably die after a gruelling battle. if you go this route, be careful which weapon you choose to specialize in; it will most likely be used to kill you in your final battle. so try & pick something that can kill you quickly. sword is a pretty good choice. speciallizing in poison darts is not a good idea.

the 3rd & 4th best schools run the risk of being run over as the number 2 school fights its way to supremacy. especially if the 3rd & 4th school fight each other. the loser gets a beating, but the winner will invariably be killed by the evil school, & with incredible ease.

so i think to be safe, you probably want to train with like the 6th best school in the area. you'll still have better kung fu than most of the schlubs around, yet you're not quite on the radar for the big dogs. train with the 6th best, & you might even live to the end of the japanese occupation.

jf

And all you NON-CMA guys wonder why we train in secret

Of course now that you have given away our secrets we must unleash the secret evil shaolin kungfu assasins trained in secret forms, dim mak and white lotus death palm... nothing personal it is just that you have now offended the CMA family, and you have offended the Shaolin temple.... have a nice day

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Of course now that you have given away our secrets we must unleash the secret evil shaolin kungfu assasins trained in secret forms, dim mak and white lotus death palm... nothing personal it is just that you have now offended the CMA family, and you have offended the Shaolin temple.... have a nice day

Fortunately, I have JMT training (Jedi Mind Tricks). I'm not the man you're looking for...

 

[jarrod]

And all you NON-CMA guys wonder why we train in secret

Of course now that you have given away our secrets we must unleash the secret evil shaolin kungfu assasins trained in secret forms, dim mak and white lotus death palm... nothing personal it is just that you have now offended the CMA family, and you have offended the Shaolin temple.... have a nice day

well i guess now we know who trains at the 2nd best kung fu school around...

jf

 

[arnisador]

Well, based on my viewing history, this is good advice!

 

[Andy Moynihan]

Great stuff guys, I needed the laugh today.

Well at least you got this much goin' for you, that in the event of a gang assault they'll wait and come atcha one by one

 

[MA-Caver]

One of the things I'm still trying to learn how to do is to speak out of sync with my lips... now that'd be cool...

 

[Xue Sheng]

One of the things I'm still trying to learn how to do is to speak out of sync with my lips... now that'd be cool...

It ain't easy... but it is part of the training.

 

[grydth]

Only in the best school does one learn synchronized evil villain laugh.

Only in the best school does one find henchmen who look like Klingons.

Only the best Kung Fu schools may kill half the cast searching for cool secret documents which will make you invincible!

Only in the best school can you hope to go on to "offend the boss", the ultimate and only 'plot' in half the movies.

Only in the best school can one learn Vole Style Kung Fu, known in the West as Kung Fu Patty Cake.

All of your Kung Fu is weak!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Rich Parsons]

you really want to try & choose a pretty mediocre school to train at. if you train at the best, you will inevitably be slaughtered by the evil school while your top student is away. if you are the top student, then you will somehow be responsible for your teacher's & fellow students' deaths. you will avenge them, of course, but in the process your family will be killed, especially if there is a cute kid in said family, & you just might die as well.

now the second best school is an option, but they are always evil & you will almost certainly have to participate in the massacre of the no. 1 school. if you're lucky, you may end your training with a firm beating from the best student at the number one school, but if you have any kind of skill you will probably die after a gruelling battle. if you go this route, be careful which weapon you choose to specialize in; it will most likely be used to kill you in your final battle. so try & pick something that can kill you quickly. sword is a pretty good choice. speciallizing in poison darts is not a good idea.

the 3rd & 4th best schools run the risk of being run over as the number 2 school fights its way to supremacy. especially if the 3rd & 4th school fight each other. the loser gets a beating, but the winner will invariably be killed by the evil school, & with incredible ease.

so i think to be safe, you probably want to train with like the 6th best school in the area. you'll still have better kung fu than most of the schlubs around, yet you're not quite on the radar for the big dogs. train with the 6th best, & you might even live to the end of the japanese occupation.

jf

If you are at school 6 and school two or three or four or five gets killed by the "evil" school then suggest to someone in your club or another club that they should open up their own school so you can still tain at the #6 school.

 

[Xue Sheng]

Only in the best school does one learn synchronized evil villain laugh.

Only in the best school does one find henchmen who look like Klingons.

Only the best Kung Fu schools may kill half the cast searching for cool secret documents which will make you invincible!

Only in the best school can you hope to go on to "offend the boss", the ultimate and only 'plot' in half the movies.

Only in the best school can one learn Vole Style Kung Fu, known in the West as Kung Fu Patty Cake.

All of your Kung Fu is weak!!!!!!!!!!!

HA

YOUR KUNG FU NO GOOD!!!!!

I am trained in the 5 deadly Venoms also called Poison Style... I am a master of the four animals; centipede, snake, scorpion, lizard, toad.....FIVE....five animals centipede, snake, scorpion, lizard, toad and vole...OH DAMN!!!!

Never mind, let me go out and come in again

All said out of sync with my lips of course

 

[grydth]

Imposter!!!!

You will never rule Really Nasty Valley!!!

Only WE have the dubbing actor with an American Southern Accent!

Only WE have the Olympian Master of Stoned Swimmer Style!

You will be destroyed.... after we destroy a restaurant.... we start every movie by destroying a restaurant.... we will get to you later!

 

[Xue Sheng]

Pan to open field with a bunch of guys standing in a circle as we face off take sevearl kung fu poses, make painfull looking faces at each other and silly noises


On a side note at my first sifu's school a friend of mine "from Beijing" and I use to face off at the end of class and do this type of routine. Bad lip sync and all with slow motion kicks and cart wheel (him, not me). It was, at least to me at the time...hilarious.

But his bad lip sync was better than mine because I swear he could move his lips in Mandarin and make it come out English.