In this modern age of the polymer frame
and the space age bottom-feeder,
With a well-made modern auto
you could trust'er if you need'er.
But should I end up in desperate straits
and need a problem-solver,
Well like the old song goes,
"That's when I reach for my revolver."
They've fallen out of favor
since the cops went to self-shuckers,
and oft my choice is met with laughs
by ign'int mother****ers.
"Why bother with that flintlock, dude,
it's way too slow to load,
with "only" those six rounds onboard,
you're toast out on that road!"
He talks of "being ready" when the nukes or zombies launch,
His shirt of camouflage still doesn't "camouflage" his paunch.
"What YOU need is the kind we've got,
this fancy automatic,
Revolvers just aren't "Tactical".
So usually goes the static.
"That all-steel monster weighs a ton
Next to these Glocks--pick any!
This one goes up to 18 rounds-
Takes out three times as many!"
Around this time the hotshot needs
Some putting in his place,
I struggle mightily to keep
the smirk from off my face.
"O Worthy Warrior", say I,
"For sure the title's fitting,
For any who can take out
18 men in just one sitting".
"But based on FBI stats
I've a sneaking premonition,
We'll be more quickly out of time
than out of ammunition."
"As far as higher round count goes,
as old school as it may be,
the saying's still the truth that
Six for Sure beats 18 maybe".
"For while 'tis true all guns, if left
uncared for, **** the bed,
That wheelgun never screws you
with a round that never fed."
"Oh, It can misfire, it can break
if you don't pay attention,
But fail-to-feeds or stovepipe jams
Doth hist'ry never mention."
"And you can leave it loaded
And you'll never have to sweat it,
Moonclips and loaders have no springs--
Just fill 'em and forget it".
"As far as quick reloading,
it's not such hard-gotten skill,
Moonclips outpace speedloaders,
and a backup's faster still".
"and speaking of that backup,
here's a bit of wisdom, tubby:
You want the world's best pocket gun?
Then don't you snub that snubby."
"For I'll concede the full size autos
have improved by much,
but their reliability
once shrunk down is nothing such".
"When in close-quarters contact,
contact shots are sheer madhattery
when you shove your auto 'gainst him
and the slide knocks out of battery".
"A snub won't have that problem
and is carried worry free,
It has no slide to get gummed up
by grit, lint, or debris".
"Now both types can be grabbed in such
a way as not to fire,
the snubby has a countermove
the auto still requires."
"And it can let all 5 shots go
from right in your coat pocket,
There ain't no faster draw than that
and ain't no Glock can rock it".
"You may see autos small enough
For pockets--there's a bunch,
they won't be this reliable,
nor pack near this much punch".
"For sure as I know anything
in all the stars and heavens,
six .380s just can't compete
with five .357s."
"And so you see, my friend, this wheelgun's
far from obsolete,
I might suggest you step back, think,
and train for what you'll meet."
Now it's still fine to say revolvers "just don't work" for thee,
But none that I have owned have EVER failed to work for me.
I don't mean to offend, and sorry if I've burst your bubbles,
but for all that men say "Obsolete"--they still dig holes with shovels.
--Andy Moynihan
and the space age bottom-feeder,
With a well-made modern auto
you could trust'er if you need'er.
But should I end up in desperate straits
and need a problem-solver,
Well like the old song goes,
"That's when I reach for my revolver."
They've fallen out of favor
since the cops went to self-shuckers,
and oft my choice is met with laughs
by ign'int mother****ers.
"Why bother with that flintlock, dude,
it's way too slow to load,
with "only" those six rounds onboard,
you're toast out on that road!"
He talks of "being ready" when the nukes or zombies launch,
His shirt of camouflage still doesn't "camouflage" his paunch.
"What YOU need is the kind we've got,
this fancy automatic,
Revolvers just aren't "Tactical".
So usually goes the static.
"That all-steel monster weighs a ton
Next to these Glocks--pick any!
This one goes up to 18 rounds-
Takes out three times as many!"
Around this time the hotshot needs
Some putting in his place,
I struggle mightily to keep
the smirk from off my face.
"O Worthy Warrior", say I,
"For sure the title's fitting,
For any who can take out
18 men in just one sitting".
"But based on FBI stats
I've a sneaking premonition,
We'll be more quickly out of time
than out of ammunition."
"As far as higher round count goes,
as old school as it may be,
the saying's still the truth that
Six for Sure beats 18 maybe".
"For while 'tis true all guns, if left
uncared for, **** the bed,
That wheelgun never screws you
with a round that never fed."
"Oh, It can misfire, it can break
if you don't pay attention,
But fail-to-feeds or stovepipe jams
Doth hist'ry never mention."
"And you can leave it loaded
And you'll never have to sweat it,
Moonclips and loaders have no springs--
Just fill 'em and forget it".
"As far as quick reloading,
it's not such hard-gotten skill,
Moonclips outpace speedloaders,
and a backup's faster still".
"and speaking of that backup,
here's a bit of wisdom, tubby:
You want the world's best pocket gun?
Then don't you snub that snubby."
"For I'll concede the full size autos
have improved by much,
but their reliability
once shrunk down is nothing such".
"When in close-quarters contact,
contact shots are sheer madhattery
when you shove your auto 'gainst him
and the slide knocks out of battery".
"A snub won't have that problem
and is carried worry free,
It has no slide to get gummed up
by grit, lint, or debris".
"Now both types can be grabbed in such
a way as not to fire,
the snubby has a countermove
the auto still requires."
"And it can let all 5 shots go
from right in your coat pocket,
There ain't no faster draw than that
and ain't no Glock can rock it".
"You may see autos small enough
For pockets--there's a bunch,
they won't be this reliable,
nor pack near this much punch".
"For sure as I know anything
in all the stars and heavens,
six .380s just can't compete
with five .357s."
"And so you see, my friend, this wheelgun's
far from obsolete,
I might suggest you step back, think,
and train for what you'll meet."
Now it's still fine to say revolvers "just don't work" for thee,
But none that I have owned have EVER failed to work for me.
I don't mean to offend, and sorry if I've burst your bubbles,
but for all that men say "Obsolete"--they still dig holes with shovels.
--Andy Moynihan
