Police phone tree message

[punisher73]

With all of the police threads floating around I thought I would post this. I wish our department would use this voicemail system.

Hello, you have reached the Police Department's Voice Mail. Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and unusual circumstances arrive. Please select one of the following options:

To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you created yourself, press 1.

To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2.

To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3.

If you would like us to raise your children, press 4.

If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5.

If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate, press 6.

To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not take enforcement action against you, press 7.

To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8.

To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses for police rather than keeping your dumb *** in line, press 9.

Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support and remember.....we're here to save your ***, NOT kiss it!

Thanks for calling your local police department and have a nice day

 

[Drac]

With all of the police threads floating around I thought I would post this. I wish our department would use this voicemail system.

LOL..

 

[shesulsa]

Nice.

 

[jim777]

Funny stuff It reminds me of that bit from The Simpsons:

'Hello, and welcome to the Springfield Police Department "Rescue Phone"! If you know the name of the felony being committed, press 1. To choose from a list of felonies, press 2. If you are being murdered, or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line.(Bart presses four numbers on the phone) You have chosen- "regicide" If you know the name of the King or Queen being murdered, please press 1...'

 

[newGuy12]

Haha I bet you could come up with a good one for tech support, too!

If you have just smoked a whole bunch of crack and can't get your email now, please put the phone reciever back into its cradle now...

 

[terryl965]

That was simply brillant.

 

[Andy Moynihan]

Self-Arrest Form:

http://www.eastpointpolice.org/SelfArrestForm.htm