Parental violence at youth sporting events

[Tames D]

In 1975 I was playing baseball on my high school team and one day we traveled via bus to another school to play a game. This particular game had outbreaks of violence by the parents throughout the game. The game was finally called because of all this chaos. When we boarded the bus to leave we noticed that one of our players was being confronted in the distance by 2 coaches and a parent from the other team. They actually had their hands on him.

Our coaches (one was also the school boxing coach and the other was also the school wrestling coach) ordered us to stay on the bus as they ran to the confrontation and took care of business. I have to admit that I was impressed and proud of my coaches.

The violence at this game was the only time in my childhood sports 'career' that anything like this happened. But these days there seems to be alot more of this kind of crazy stuff. I hope I never act this way as my kids get more into the sports scene.

What makes parents and coaches act in this crazy way? My neighbor was telling me a few weeks ago about parents fighting at his kids Pop Warner football game. Is this the norm nowdays?

 

[bushidomartialarts]

i've even seen this sort of thing at karate tournaments.

i don't bloody well understand it at all. it makes me angry, depressed and hopeless all at the same time.

 

[MA-Caver]

On the news here (Chattanooga TN) they had a video of two (fathers) duking it out at a pee-wee football game... dunno what for but it started a near riot as other dads jumped in and it became a melee... I recall thinking... geez and these little kids are seeing it all happen before their very eyes... how sweet eh?

Understandably it's okay to get involved with your child's sport to help keep their level of interest and enthusiasm (because it's contagious right?) going. But to take it so seriously that you start getting irate at a bad call by an official or your kid's coach/teacher won't put them in the starting line up or in a tournament or whatever the reason... it's time to start backing off and just let the kids play.
I vaguely remember my pee-wee football days but remembered the coach taking the game a bit-too-seriously. I mean it's just pee-wee football not a billion dollar Superbowl game!

Again, I'll state that the child learns roughly 80% of the way to behave from the parents, especially from an early age til mid-teens when they start to rebel and following those whom they call (presently) their best friends.
Kids watching Dad duke it out with another dad will probably grow up thinking it's the way to resolve conflicts and differences.

Good ole' Dad!

 

[Carol]

There is a connection to the cost of a college education, and the way colleges heavily recruit and offer scholarships student athletes.

I personally know some parents that expect their child's sports abilities to help pay their way through school, even though their children aren't even in high school yet.

 

[Tez3]

it's not just sports that parents behave badly, I remember years ago when my daughter was about four and at ballet classes, the dance school had a show at our local theatre. It's a small place and it was just for fun but the howling of a couple of mothers whose daughters didn't get the parts they thought they should was amazing! Cheque books were waved around and they demanded the limelight for their little dears who at four were no better or worse than anyone else. As my daughter grew up she got into horses (still is at 21 she's a jockey now) she had a lovely pony called Tommy who in her hands was very successful showjumping and eventing. We had parents demanding we sell him to them for their offspring who had a string of ponies anyway but were going to buy there way to the top. They were so competitive nothing was going to stand in these parent's way, it was painful to watch.
Slightly off topic for a sec, my daughter is currently in Dubai for the winter which was second choice for her, she wanted to go to Florida where they take the horses from New York for the winter but it seems they haven't this year! Next year she hopes to make it so we'll be asking if anyone knows where she can train kickboxing, BJJ and MMA! Internet is a bit censored in Dubai but I'll try and get her to join MT. Be good if she has friendly people to ask advice from! Sorry for wandering off there! I am very proud of her but her achievements are her own, I believe in supporting kids but not to point of lunacy! Didn't one mother of a cheerleader either kill or try to kill the mother of one of her daughter's 'rivals'?

 

[Drac]

I for one will NEVER understand that that kind of behavior...You sign your kind up for sports to to learn good sportmanship, team work and the spirit of competition..Then you get into a fight with another parent in front of the crowd over something trivial..What an example...

 

[Eternal White Belt]

I, for one, will be glad when they start treating attacks on the playing field as actual crimes and press charges against the instigators. This goes for parents at children's games and professional athletes as well. We need to see some follow-up to these melees in the press, who was charged with what and what their charges/fines/sentences turn out to be. Assault is a crime, pure and simple. Start treating it as such.

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

I do not know if it is more common or not. (though it probably is) However I have been very close to two situations in youth soccer. One was where an opposing teams parent was cussing and yelling at our teams coach and verbally threatening to beat him down after the game. (this was youth soccer 6 to 8 year olds) Fortunately I talked with this parent afterwards and was able to talk him down and everyone ended going away happy.

In another incident I was unfortunately personally involved in. There was a soccer game and the other coach was breaking several rules. As an assistant coach for our team I mentioned this to him and he told me to stop whining because we were getting our asses handed to us. (we were down about 16 to zip at this point) So at halftime I brought over the league rep and he told the other coach that he could not break these rules anymore. After halftime it was a stalemate. They scored twice and we scored twice. After the game I approached the other teams coached and told him that I was sorry I had to bring the rep over at which point he told me to **** off and that I was fortuante that he wasn't beating my *** right now. I said sorry you feel that way and left. Mind you this was a soccer league for four and five year olds. :erg: This particular coach got thrown out of the league two games down the road for similar problems.

No matter what it is a sad reality that this kind of stuff is happening. However I often think that some people are mirroring what they see in the professional leagues. It truly is a shame. All in all though my experience with youth soccer has been fantastic except for those two incidents.

 

[Tez3]

Parents seem increasing desparate to have their children 'win' even at an early age. What kind of pressure does it put on their children having to live up to such false high standards and when they fail those standards which is inevitable, they see their parents resorting to violence and criminal behaviour to gain the results they want. Recently in the Channel Islands (sort of part of the UK) a mother was accused of doping ponies in a childrens show jumping competition so her son and his undoped pony would win. I've not seen actual violence at karate comps involving children but I've heard plenty of raised and threatening voices of parents. What does it teach children and where is the satisfaction they gain from knowing they've achieved things by themselves?