My Dilemma

[adictd2tkdgirl]

I was hoping you guys could help me with my dilemma. I am at a point in my training whereby I have to 'sign up' for a 2 year commitment (a whole different issue) but anyway, I can't decide what to do. I am not very flexible and being my height and weight I don't feel that I am that powerful or ever could be. I keep asking myself if I should continue with my training.

I mean, if I am never going to be really good at it (TKD that is) what is the point of putting so much time and energy into it. I do enjoy it, but I have a tough time dealing with the fact that I don't have the capability of being REALLY good. I suppose I am a perfectionist of sorts or something of that nature that forces me to feel less than adequate if I can't be great at what I am doing.

Has anyone else gone through this? Any advice?

 

[Ceicei]

If you do not feel willing to stay into TKD that long, then don't sign the 2 year contract. It is a definite commitment. The 2 year contract might be good for those who have very stable lives and intend to stay in TKD for the long haul, and most importantly, like where they are training.

At this point, it almost sounds like you are still trying to figure out your place and your interest level. If your school permits it, continue to enroll for very short time periods. Only then can you determine after a while whether this is the school you want to stay or if you want to go elsewhere.


Be aware that becoming good takes time. You may not see instant improvement, but along the way, you will definitely improve. Right now, you probably do not feel like ever becoming good. Anything worth doing takes a lot of practice and plenty of time. If you want to stay with TKD, you will get better as the months/years go by. If you feel that this martial art doesn't click for you, then perhaps you need to see what else is available that catches your interest.

- Ceicei

 

[terryl965]

Addict let me start off with this I have been involve for over twentyfive years in TKD and I'm certainly not the best fighter and maybe not even one of the best instructor out there but what I have is a Love for the Art of TKD, it brings so much more than fighting skills it brings that sense of worth and accompliment to one self. If you fell you are not getting that feeling step back regroup and try some other art that will make you complete. The thing is no matter what art you choose you are never ever going to be perfect, it is just not that type of accompliment, it is a certain self worth we all get.
I really hope this helps you, you seem to be so genuine in all your post.
Terry

 

[Gemini]

I think we all have, or many of us anyway. I'll offer this.

Feeling though you may not be good at TKD is a matter of perspective and yours is the only one that counts. Before you make that determination, I would ask yourself, are you trying to fit the mold of some preconception of what you should look and move like? If you are, than nobody's explained to you that you need to make the art your own. The only person that can make you comfortable in it is you, no one else. There is no other way than your way, so if that's the case, get it out of your head. My best friend and I look nothing alike when we practice. Yes, the fundamentals are the same in what we execute, but that's where the similarity ends. He's short, stocky and very powerful. I'm taller and leaner with greater range. We have very different "looks" but they're both Taekwondo.

Many here have tried several arts before they found one and knew "that was the one". If you're unsure, don't lock yourself into something that may never come to be. More likely than not, you'll stop training and may never find "your art". When in doubt, check 'em ALL out. Let experience be your judge. You'll know when you've found it.

Best of luck on your search!!!

 

[Jonathan]

Can I ask you how far along you are in your training? I mean, are you on the cusp of achieving a new belt?

When I was studying TKD, I hit a plateau where I felt just the same as you do- I wasn't getting any better, I (thought at the time) would NEVER get any better. Three years later, I achieved my black belt.

The question isn't one of whether you could be good, or great, at your chosen art- it's how hard you want to work towards it. I don't doubt that you're putting your all into it, mind you. Your state of mind seems to be one of frustration, which is completely normal. And, you seem to be worried that you'll be 'stuck' for 2 years, and not see any improvement. In my own experience, your body begins adapting to your training regimen... try new things. Ask your instructors for some help on the side to help you with new exercises, or to perfect your technique(s). Improvement will come with time, patience, and hard practice.

(The Marines had it right- always be training for the next rank up.)

EDIT: I'll also add, Gemini has a good point- TKD is a great art, but it may not be the one 'for you'. Dont' be afraid to try other arts- demo classes, etc., before you sign your commitment. I'm in the middle of a search for a style to 'make my own', but I'll always remember my days in TKD as my introduction to martial arts.

 

[AceHBK]

I remember your other thread about the cost of your TKD class and all. For the money they you are going to spend and the 2 year commitment I would say think REALLY HARD!!
It normal to have doubts especially when the word "contract" comes up. I despise the word contract like I do the word marriage. When people always have the option to leave anytime (without penality), more than likely they will stay and be happy. When you feel forced that is when you start having problems.

Now with that being said, what are you expecting out of yourself? Is it realistic or fantasy? How much drive and determination do you have? Is this the right art for you? Could you see yourself doing better in another art? Why do you doubt yourself so much? Are you basing how you are with other students in your class?

Now that you listed what you are "not", how about telling us what you "are". Lets list them out and see what we come up with. I hate to see someone start something and not finish. Lets analyze this deeper and get to the root of the problem.

 

[adictd2tkdgirl]

Thank you for the great posts! After thinking about it further I realize it is also because of my competitive nature. I don't like feeling less than adequate in comparison to the others in my class. I realize that is an issue that I have to deal with and this may be a good way of dealing with it!

I do gain more than just fighting skills, that is true Terry. And when I think back to when I first started I realize that I have improved immensely, so I think I will take Ceicei's advice and realize that it will take years to become really good. I really do enjoy it and if I can deal with the fact that I am not the Best one in the class or may never be than I will not only deal with that personal issue but also gain knowledge of a wonderful Art form and maybe some fighting skills too!

 

[michaeledward]

I would suggest you have a candid conversation with the owner of the school asking for a two year commitment. While some schools want you to sign a commitment, if you aren't going to continue, they may provide you an out. If they don't, maybe look at another school.

Concerning your potential ....

Because you witness every moment of your practice, your intimate acquaintance prevents you from measuring fairly your progress. It is difficult to remember how you performed your material 6 months ago to measure it against how you perform that same material now.

I have a video of myself running Kenpo Form 4 on the Kenpotalk website. That video was recorded in September of '05. Looking at that video today, and comparing it to how I perform that Form today, I can see incredible progress. I think if you have a 6 month period to review material, your progress would be surprising to even yourself.

Lastly, you need to think of your studies as an individual activity. When you make the statement; 'I am never going to be really good at it' ... you are measuring yourself against others. My suggestion is that you learn to view that statement in this way ... 'I am going to be really good at it, for me.' Measure your performance against your ability and your effort. And then, enjoy!

 

[Grenadier]

I was hoping you guys could help me with my dilemma. I am at a point in my training whereby I have to 'sign up' for a 2 year commitment (a whole different issue) but anyway, I can't decide what to do. I am not very flexible and being my height and weight I don't feel that I am that powerful or ever could be. I keep asking myself if I should continue with my training.

First, and foremost, if you enjoy the martial arts, if you want to continue training, and if you aren't going anywhere for the next two years, you may as well sign up for the two year contract. This will help re-affirm your committment to the martial arts, and secondly, it also shows your teacher, that you're in it for the long haul.

Believe me, as an instructor, I can say that it's a relief when good students sign up for longer-term contracts, since I don't have to go through the hassle of constantly renewing their contracts every three months, etc. I realize that some people might not know where they'll be in the next few months, and I respect that, but I really do prefer to have them committed to the long run.

Second, progress takes time, and is often measured in short steps. I can certainly sympathize with your statement, when you're comparing yourself to others. A couple of my students had their folks watching them during every lesson, for their first three months of training. The parents came up to me after those three months, and said "I can't see any progress in them." So, I simply told them to stop watching them for a month, and then come back and see for themselves. After that month, the folks were quite surprised at what they saw, that the children had a better sense of balance, that their flexibility had improved, and their techniques were crisper.

The bottom line is, that as long as you are training hard, at a decent school, under the tutelage of good instructors, you are making progress. The only problem is that such progress takes time, and your abilities are conservatively raised each time you train, often times not noticeable.

 

[adictd2tkdgirl]

I remember your other thread about the cost of your TKD class and all. For the money they you are going to spend and the 2 year commitment I would say think REALLY HARD!!
It normal to have doubts especially when the word "contract" comes up. I despise the word contract like I do the word marriage. When people always have the option to leave anytime (without penality), more than likely they will stay and be happy. When you feel forced that is when you start having problems.

Now with that being said, what are you expecting out of yourself? Is it realistic or fantasy? How much drive and determination do you have? Is this the right art for you? Could you see yourself doing better in another art? Why do you doubt yourself so much? Are you basing how you are with other students in your class?

Now that you listed what you are "not", how about telling us what you "are". Lets list them out and see what we come up with. I hate to see someone start something and not finish. Lets analyze this deeper and get to the root of the problem.

As I mentioned in my last post, I am comparing myself to others in my class. I think part of the reason is the instructors tend to make comments to some of the other students (okay..so it's the only other female in the class) like 'Oh your so flexible' and 'Wow great kick' etc... etc...

You know it really bothers me that I am affected by it. It seems so childish and immature that it would bother me that they compliment others and not me. Weird...hunh?

P.S. As to what I am good at...patterns. I have great form and excellent stances. There! I will toot my own horn. heehee

 

[HKphooey]

I agree with above, talk to your instructor and let him/her know your concerns.

Try to compare yourself to, well, yourself. The one thing I have loved about the martial arts is that it is both an individual and team sport/hobby. There will always be someone better and worse than you. Try to take your current status and set personal goals. If your kicks are waist height, but the person next to you is up over your head, do not compare your progress to their's. Just make sure your kicks are 1 inch above your waist after a few weeks/months of training. Many instuctors also look at personal achievement when advancing students. Has the person gotten better?

 

[AceHBK]

As I mentioned in my last post, I am comparing myself to others in my class. I think part of the reason is the instructors tend to make comments to some of the other students (okay..so it's the only other female in the class) like 'Oh your so flexible' and 'Wow great kick' etc... etc...

You know it really bothers me that I am affected by it. It seems so childish and immature that it would bother me that they compliment others and not me. Weird...hunh?

P.S. As to what I am good at...patterns. I have great form and excellent stances. There! I will toot my own horn. heehee

I am glad that you are competitive like that cause I am the same way. I see it as a way to keep working hard b/c you are your biggest critic.
I know personally I wont consider myself good or halfway decent until I can reach Jet Li speeds or have good technique like donnie yen. Realistically I have seen some students with great technique (taught my Master Stoker) and I was pissed cause mine didnt look as flawless as theirs. It is good to set high goals b/c if you should by chance fall short, you will still land pretty high. I do it to myself all the time and I totally understand. I may get around other students and then I think, "god im not as good as them" but all it does is make me work 10x harder.

Hey MANY people are not good at patterns and stances (especially stances and that to me is most important) Take pride in that. TOOT YOUR HORN LOUD!!!

 

[terryl965]

I am glad that you are competitive like that cause I am the same way. I see it as a way to keep working hard b/c you are your biggest critic.
I know personally I wont consider myself good or halfway decent until I can reach Jet Li speeds or have good technique like donnie yen. Realistically I have seen some students with great technique (taught my Master Stoker) and I was pissed cause mine didnt look as flawless as theirs. It is good to set high goals b/c if you should by chance fall short, you will still land pretty high. I do it to myself all the time and I totally understand. I may get around other students and then I think, "god im not as good as them" but all it does is make me work 10x harder.

Hey MANY people are not good at patterns and stances (especially stances and that to me is most important) Take pride in that. TOOT YOUR HORN LOUD!!!

AceHBK thank you for the kind word but as I have said time and time again it is the student it is there will to be the best, they train everyday for atleast two hrs., they are devoted to be the best that they can be and to only please themself. My student everyone no matter there age understand this it is up to them. I'm nothing without them andI'm thankful everyday that they are striving to be a better human being. I'm humble with every class.:asian:
Terry

 

[bobster_ice]

I am not very flexible

And.... It takes a while to get really flexible, I started TKD about a year and a have ago and im still not as flexible as I want to be, I am a bit more flexible than I used to be but still not as flexible as my instructor

 

[TigerWoman]

I was hoping you guys could help me with my dilemma. I am at a point in my training whereby I have to 'sign up' for a 2 year commitment (a whole different issue) but anyway, I can't decide what to do. I am not very flexible and being my height and weight I don't feel that I am that powerful or ever could be. I keep asking myself if I should continue with my training.

I mean, if I am never going to be really good at it (TKD that is) what is the point of putting so much time and energy into it. I do enjoy it, but I have a tough time dealing with the fact that I don't have the capability of being REALLY good. I suppose I am a perfectionist of sorts or something of that nature that forces me to feel less than adequate if I can't be great at what I am doing.

Has anyone else gone through this? Any advice?

Its hard to make a two year commitment both psychologically and contractually. It depends on if you are 'hooked" on TKD. If you have a passion for it, go for it. The going gets tougher after a year which is probably your stage. I was hooked at yellow belt. My flexibility wasn't very good at the beginning but I constantly worked on it. Get a list together of your weaknesses and simply put more energy into them. I increased my classes from 2-3 to 8, not saying you have to go to 8 but I put my whole heart into it. Where there is a will there is a way, remember that. If you come to a harder kick, remember we all have been there and had to overcome our weaknesses.

In my mind actually, I am not great at anything--what to expect of a woman at 56--but others have a different opinion of that. Each of us has strengths too. My daughter wasn't very tall but she became very powerful--I really detested getting nailed by her jump back kick! She worked on flexibility constantly at home, really determined, and was able to do a high-really high-sidekick as a black belt and do the splits. All of us, barring a physical impairment, have the capability of getting better. The younger you are, the more elastic you are. You just have to work on stretching those muscles and start elongating them! We can't get worse with work so slowly but surely we get better. Practice-practice-practice, discipline, and have patience with yourself ((I'm a perfectionist too) are keys to success in our dojang. Becoming all that you can be, will last a lifetime and no one will ever take that black belt away from you. Go for it! TW

 

[adictd2tkdgirl]

Its hard to make a two year commitment both psychologically and contractually. It depends on if you are 'hooked" on TKD. If you have a passion for it, go for it. The going gets tougher after a year which is probably your stage. I was hooked at yellow belt. My flexibility wasn't very good at the beginning but I constantly worked on it. Get a list together of your weaknesses and simply put more energy into them. I increased my classes from 2-3 to 8, not saying you have to go to 8 but I put my whole heart into it. Where there is a will there is a way, remember that. If you come to a harder kick, remember we all have been there and had to overcome our weaknesses.

In my mind actually, I am not great at anything--what to expect of a woman at 56--but others have a different opinion of that. Each of us has strengths too. My daughter wasn't very tall but she became very powerful--I really detested getting nailed by her jump back kick! She worked on flexibility constantly at home, really determined, and was able to do a high-really high-sidekick as a black belt and do the splits. All of us, barring a physical impairment, have the capability of getting better. The younger you are, the more elastic you are. You just have to work on stretching those muscles and start elongating them! We can't get worse with work so slowly but surely we get better. Practice-practice-practice, discipline, and have patience with yourself ((I'm a perfectionist too) are keys to success in our dojang. Becoming all that you can be, will last a lifetime and no one will ever take that black belt away from you. Go for it! TW

Thanks TigerWoman..great post! Very inspirational..I think I just thought that my flexibility is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it. I am going to try working on it aside from the time in class and I think that will help.

 

[Kacey]

I don't think I have anything to say other than what others have posted - you need to decide what is right for you. Remembering your previous post, I'm still not clear on the "$1000 for the right to train" fee in addition to dues... but if this is something you want, something that is right for you, then I think you should go for it. Good luck to you!

 

[still learning]

Hello, First is do not compare yourself with others! What you put into your training..is what you will acheive.

Only you can compare you before and after.

Base on your feelings....I would say talk to your Instructor about a shorter term contract...if they do not.....more on to something else. DO NOT SIGN FOR 2 YEARS....because if you quit..you still owe the money!

There are many other martial arts...that maybe more to your liking...try Kempo/Kenpo....less kicking and jumping kicks here....do not need to be very flexable here.

Trust your instincts and feeling about your training and commitment....If not sure..DO NOT SIGN...If you feel you can commit..than ask for a shorter term contract. If not...find something else...Aloha