Martial Artist and Divorce

[ppko]

I am currently going through a divorce this is my first marriage, I truly love my wife, but she does not want to try and work anything out so our marriage is over. Though it still stings a bit I have pretty much gotten over it. here is my question why do you think that divorce rates tend to be high in the Martial Arts world

 

[Lisa]

they are? I didn't know that. Where did you read that ppko?

 

[Carol]

Divorce rates are high, period.

I went through mine before I started training. I wish I had discovered MA before, it may have made the divorce a bit easier to cope with.

Sorry to hear about what you are going through. Hang in there.

 

[bluemtn]

I'm sorry to hear about the divorce, ppko... I didn't know that divorce is higher among ma'ists. Well, I'm glad you're coping, and I hope it goes smoothely for you.

 

[Lisa]

ppko, I owe you an apology for being so rude and not posting that I too am truly sorry about your marraige. I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. Heal well.

 

[Rich Parsons]

I am currently going through a divorce this is my first marriage, I truly love my wife, but she does not want to try and work anything out so our marriage is over. Though it still stings a bit I have pretty much gotten over it. here is my question why do you think that divorce rates tend to be high in the Martial Arts world

Back in the late 90's it was just over 50% divorce rate. Although the stat I found most interesting, is that if you marry a person you met or dated for up to three years after your divorce was final the divorce rate was 75% for this group. People have a tendacy to make the same mistake twice.

Good Luck

 

[pstarr]

Sorry to hear about it. It happens to the best of us! Keep your chin up!

 

[Kacey]

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce; however, I don't know what MA has to do with, unless the time commitment is a problem for the relationship. I divorced from my ex in 1994, after I had been in TKD for 7 years, and I don't know what I would have done without the support of my instructor and the students in my class - the thing is, he was in the same class; I didn't know until after the divorce that everyone was putting up with him for my sake.
I hope that you get the same kind of support that I got, and I wish you well.

To answer your question, I don't think the divorce rate is higher in the MA world; actually, based on my personal experience, I think it is lower - a much smaller proportion of the MA practitioners I know are divorced compared to any other group of my friends. Your question made me curious, so I went looking for statistics, but couldn't find any - but I did find this:

[FONT=arial, helvetica][FONT=arial, helvetica]No statistics are available on the divorce rate among traditional martial artists, but I imagine that if such figures were available, they would indicate a much higher rate of stability than the national average. One could expect that whereas these individuals have been trained to be more sharply perceptive of the motivations, attitudes, and intentions of others, traditional martial artists would likely be more successful in selecting the most suitable lifetime mate. [/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=arial, helvetica][FONT=arial, helvetica][/FONT][/FONT]
from TaeKwon-Do Journal

 

[Paul B]

I am very sorry to hear that,Joe. I know you'll make it through OK.:asian:

 

[lonecoyote]

ppko, thank you so much for posting, I am also going through the big D I don't mean Dallas (like the country song says) It is terrible. All the shared hopes and dreams and aspirations have to be extinguished. The one you shared your life with seems like another person. Martial arts was a factor for me. My wife didn't like my instructor, so I discontinued study under him, but I had been given a thirst for martial arts knowledge that she didn't understand, thought it was "violent" or somehow weird or deviant. Even hated the fact I came on MartialTalk. It was only another factor, another level in our incompatibility but it was definitely there. Good luck. I will pray for you. I am going through hell as well. Took my first drink in six years two days ago. Tough times.

 

[FuriousGeorge]

I'm sorry, its gotta be tough to be goin' through this stuff...Good luck dealing with the bad times.

 

[Drac]

Sorry to hear about it. It happens to the best of us! Keep your chin up!

Been there..Yes it sucks...

 

[HKphooey]

It is tough, I went through it too.

Things do get better with time and you will be much stronger in the end. Just take some time to put yourself first for a while and live life.

 

[MJS]

I am currently going through a divorce this is my first marriage, I truly love my wife, but she does not want to try and work anything out so our marriage is over. Though it still stings a bit I have pretty much gotten over it. here is my question why do you think that divorce rates tend to be high in the Martial Arts world

Sorry to hear about that. Wishing you the best.

Mike

 

[celtic_crippler]

Count me in that group too. The years following it though were some of the most intense training I'd ever had though. Having all that newly acquired free time should allow you to do what you really love...practice MA!

I'm not sure about any statistics proving high divorce rates among MA. Personally, I think the discipline most attain through practicing MA would help hold a marriage together. The only reason I can think of that would cause stress to a marriage is the hours spent in the dojo taking away from time spent with a spouse.

I'm currently engaged (been about 6 years since my divorce) and my fiance` is extremely supportive of me and MA. As a matter of fact she joined the class just to get to know me in the first place, so she ought to know how I am about it! LOL. Of course, once we started dating she dropped out, but she doesn't give me any flak about going to class or working out and I don't give her any flak about buying 100's of purses and shoes!!! ROFL.

 

[Grenadier]

I am currently going through a divorce this is my first marriage, I truly love my wife, but she does not want to try and work anything out so our marriage is over. Though it still stings a bit I have pretty much gotten over it. here is my question why do you think that divorce rates tend to be high in the Martial Arts world

My condolences.

Divorce is never easy, even if the two still care about each other, and try to end it as amicably as possible.

Rich and Carol have pointed out a very important fact, that well over half of all marriages end in divorce, and this isn't just for people in the martial arts community (but more on that later). Several decades ago, people simply didn't get divorced nearly as much as they do this day.

Now, some people may ask why there are many martial artists getting divorced. That's not an easy thing to answer, but I'll try anyways.

There are several reasons why being a martial artist, specifically one who does this full time, can put a strain on a relationship.

1) You are committed to the dojo. The dojo is your life, and requires your immediate attention at times. You really can't just cancel classes on a whim to deal with the "smaller" things in a relationship, and unfortunately, these "smaller" things do add up over a period of time. Even if you have good instructors under your wing helping you, there are some things that you have to do yourself.

2) You might be working long hours. Most people who have dojos tend to run classes in the evenings, and sometimes, this can easily mean that you're stuck there until 9-10 PM.

3) Money... Yes, I realize that the overwhelming majority of the folks here are not in the martial arts for the money. It's a very honorable thing, indeed, but at the same time, honor doesn't pay the bills.

Running a dojo isn't easy. You have a constant stream of bills to pay, rent, insurance, etc., and have to deal with the fact that sometimes, enrollments drop. Even the best-run dojos in the world are going to experience drop-offs at one time or another, and that can sometimes lead to a budget crunch, especially if you don't have enough liquid (cash, savings) reserves.

Many times, this can mean having to take $$$ out of the paycheck that you normally cut for yourself. That's never a pleasant thing, and the lack of money to take home can certainly lead to stress building up somewhere.

Is this the ultimate determinant? Of course not; I would like to think that the overwhelming majority of us here aren't going to let dry times kill a relationship, but as I said before, these things do add up, and eventually, enough straws will break the camel's back.

Anyways, I'll add some more when my mind is relieved from caffeine starvation.

 

[rutherford]

Mine should be finalized this month.

 

[OnlyAnEgg]

I wasn't aware that divorce was any higher among MAists than anywhere else. I'm going through my own D, Joe; so, you have my sympathies. Hang tough. Keep training!

 

[Jade Tigress]

So sorry to hear about it Joe. I don't believe Martial Artists have a higher divorce rate than anyone else. It happens to the best of couples. Life happens. Maybe it's just easier to pick out something simple and obvious as a reason (ie: "you spend too much time/money on MA") than to delve deeper into the real issues, doing that would take far too much work and self-examination.

Train hard and talk as much as you need to about it.

 

[Xue Sheng]

I didn't know the rates were higher for martial artists!?!?!?!?

But that being said, been there, done that, and although this is probably not what you want to hear right now.....

Take it from me things will get better eventually.