Kung Fu Grading

[Tony]

I had my grading this saturday! It was for 4 hours and quite hard work. All throughout I had a bad back but I didn't want to miss it and I felt like I was doing my best and trying really hard to perform all my forms to the best of my ability. At the end of it I got my Yellow sash but "just" as my instructor said! Even though I got it I still feel I didn't really deserve it because I still felt like a failure even though I tried hard and I didn't really get any acknowledgement for that. My instructor said I need to work on my postures and forms. He also mentioned that persons or people will not grade next time because they have to work on their postures. And I know he was talking about me, but its made me think about giving up because this doesn't do a lot for my self esteem, because I really need to hear some praise and encouragement! But I don't want to get my next grade so easily, I do want to earn it, but at the same time I want some recognition for my commitment and perserverance.
I have been training now for nearly 6 years and there was a period when I was still going to class when I was seriously ill. I'm thinking about maybe taking a break because I know my instructor is going to have a private word with me and tell me that he is not going to grade me next time because of my forms and postures. But I had been practicing a lot and it seems that I get confused when I learn a form because different people will be showing me.
I guess I'm too shy to ask for help!
If i do give up now it will be very hard to start again, as I have always felt intimidated of starting a Martial Arts class and too shy to enter a class.
I guess this is bad timing, because my confidence hasn't always been very good and right now I could do with more confidence. I'm the kind of person that doesn't like confrontations or getting into any arguments so I wouldn't like to confront my instructor about the way I was graded. I guess he isn't really aware of my shyness problem because I'm already seeing a therapist because of it. After I got home I did feel quite depressed because I don't really think I should have been given my Yellow sash but I think my instructor would have felt embarrassed not giving it to me infront of some of the parents who were there. And I have my next class tomorrow, but I don't know if I should go, maybe I should take a break.
What I really want is a wise old master to take me under his wing and teach me all he knows about martial arts. Oh well!

 

[7starmantis]

Tony, I know how you feel to a point. Its not uncommon actually to feel as if you didn't deserve to "pass" the test or what not. I think that is actually the point. If you feel great about it, bust out the test and pass without getting to exhausted then it wasn't really a test. It should make you push yourself and realize some things like this. In fact, I don't think the test is over. Your test is still going on as you haven't gone back to class yet. That is part of it, the mental part which says, "oh your a failure, your kung fu is not good, you should quit". Dont listen to it, you got through the test and passed. Its not about the belt, CMA's don't really have belt systems, its about pushing yourself physically and mentally, and you did that. You postures and forms will come, it seems this test was more mental for you and thats cool. Think of it as an opportunity to get better. Without this opportunity you may have never seen some of these things or had the push to get through them.

JMHO
7sm

 

[Tony]

Hi 7*

Thanks for the words of encouragement! I needed that! I will go back tomorrow as thats when my next class is!

 

[CloudChaser]

don't get too discouraged now... i totally understand the confusion when it comes to learning forms from different ppl... sometimes, i notice slight variations depending on the person showing me the moves, and i end up wondering if i'm learning it correctly and why there's inconsistencies at all...

congratz on the sash, Tony, and stick with the school only if you truly enjoy what you're doing... i see nothing wrong with taking a break if you're feeling burned out... and hey, wouldn't a good martial arts school already be helping you with that lack of self-confidence thing?

 

[Gary Crawford]

Tony!!! Congratulations!!!!!!Don't fall for that mental anguish stuff.We know here that you are very inquisitive and a good listener.Hang in there!

 

[tshadowchaser]

First Congads on getting the sash.

 If you feel great about it, bust out the test and pass without getting to exhausted then it wasn't really a test.

I agree with this statement. If you feel exausted and tired at the end of a tes you know you have given your all. It would seem more important to me to see a student try his hardest then to see one cruse through something.

Learning forms from many people , each emphisising (sp) something different is frustrating, but the form is still the same. Learn the movement do them the best you can, and let your instructor review it sometime. Then work on what he suggests.

Posture is vey important in forms, and learning it correctly is needed. Did your instructor know of your bad back, and did that back make it impossible for you to have the corect posture? Has your instructor commented on your posture befor?

Never give up if you love doing what you are doing. Keep practiceing and keep learning. Some things just are harder for some people.

 

[Tony]

First Congads on getting the sash.

 If you feel great about it, bust out the test and pass without getting to exhausted then it wasn't really a test.

I agree with this statement. If you feel exausted and tired at the end of a tes you know you have given your all. It would seem more important to me to see a student try his hardest then to see one cruse through something.

Learning forms from many people , each emphisising (sp) something different is frustrating, but the form is still the same. Learn the movement do them the best you can, and let your instructor review it sometime. Then work on what he suggests.

Posture is vey important in forms, and learning it correctly is needed. Did your instructor know of your bad back, and did that back make it impossible for you to have the corect posture? Has your instructor commented on your posture befor?

Never give up if you love doing what you are doing. Keep practiceing and keep learning. Some things just are harder for some people.

Hi tshdowchaser

Thanks for listening to me! You make a lot of sense. Wel We're supposed to tell out instructor if we have any injuries and I did but my postures weren't that good anyway I don't think before I had the bad back!
And another thing while I am supposed to be a higher grad now I still can't do proper finger tip push ups. Maybe its beacuse I have small hands! I guess thats something I need to work on! Even though I was trying really hard.
I was working with the assistant instructor, doing some techniques on the pad while in different stances. My instructor was coming round looking at us and asked me what the other instructor was doing that I wasn't! I answered incorrectly and said he was moving his legs! I really hate being put on the spot like that! I felt so stupid and the other instructor kind of made fun of me!
Well I do get very nervous and I am very sensitive to criticism, which I guess comes from being bullied at school. I didn't want to say anything because I'm not a confrontational person! Even though I got my sash I did feel the biggest failure in the class! It seems i have this problem in picking things up because somethings I pick up really quickly and others I don't! And when people try to explain things to me I sometimes get it wrong and then feel like an idiot! I guess I should be thankful my instructor didn't fail me infront of the whole class and he certainly didn't name me as being that person who wouldn't be graded next but I know it was!
Of course I'm in no hurry to get my black sash, because I don't really enjoy responsibility. It would be great to learn from someone one on one, that way my mistakes would be very limited and I would make better progress!
I need a Mr Miyagi!!

 

[brothershaw]

Sometimes you really have to swallow your pride. Which means accepting it that your peers are testing and you arent allowed to. Or feeling like you wont hit the bar on a test and to avoid sqeaking by putting in an extra sixth months or year to wait for the next time. Training isnt a contest with your peers its striving to hit your maximum, which means sometimes its going to suck but you have to keep pushing through injury. illness, and self-confidence levels.