Innocent things that don't sound innocent

[Big Don]

Said by one of the Black Belts, while running the kid's class:

Don't play with your balls!

the kids were doing an exercise with bouncing balls...
Said by my classmate, the little blonde:

Thanks for letting me use your body.

She had had one of the other Brown Belts attack her on a technique she was working on.
These are great, what have you all said or heard?

 

[Ken Morgan]

Thrust from your hips, and make sure your long pointy thing goes deep into your opponent.

 

[David43515]

"Faster, you wanna make `em feel it."

 

[Carol]

I train under him.

 

[Jenny_in_Chico]

A 15 year old boy was practicing a technique on me, but was hanging back a little. The brown belt teaching us told him "Just get on top and plow into her."

 

[seasoned]

This is hard.......
It's ok, it is always hard at first.

 

[Big Don]

This is Sifu Cuevas, he runs my privates

 

[Bill Mattocks]

If it doesn't hurt, you're not doing it right (with reference to Naihanchi kata).

 

[wushuguy]

we have quite a few of those in class:

when you slip it in, he'll feel it deep inside. (referring to using the opponent's resistance and letting the arm slip which creates additional force, when coupled with fajin the strike is very penetrating).

Your fingering is awesome! (referring to qigong demos using finger techniques. erzhi chan for example.)

When you poked me, it was so intense (referring to manipulation of acupoint)

check out my skill with the rod! (long pole practice)

it's to your advantage when he's stuck in you (referring to using body trapping)

you want to grab the pole and pull yourself up and down like this... ...is it pole dancing? (referring to instruction of how to do a particular exercise)

 

[Drac]

All these are EXCELLENT!!!!

 

[Dirty Dog]

This seems to crop up on just about every "niche" site.

I'm a SCUBA fan, and if anything there's even more of this in that area.
Talk about rubber suits. Penetration. Who's going down first? How long will you be down there? I need some help with my zipper. How deep have you gone? Did you see the size of that eel? Don't you hate when you put it in your mouth and it's all salty? Is it hard to breathe when you're sucking on that hose? Make sure I'm turned on (referring to ones air supply). Can you pull my hose out? I can't get rid of the fishy smell. I need a condom (used when diving in a dry suit...), Did you remember to bring the whip (used to transfer air between tanks...)? Any conversation about crabs. We're going to go down as a group. I bet I can stay down longer than you. You might want a longer hose. There are bubbles coming from behind you, did you blow something? Doing Singles, doubles, twins... (referring to different tank arrangements), Just put it in your mouth and suck on it.

Last time I looked, the thread was like 10 pages long. Better get busy. Chop chop.

 

[CoryKS]

Nobody surpasses the MMA folks in this regard, with their talk of rear naked chokes and getting mounted.

 

[Blade96]

Just the blue belt in kenpo when i did that for 2 months who quipped 'get a room!" joking to a white belt female and a yellow belt male down on the ground in a bjj move and she was on top of him.

 

[shesulsa]

Said to me by my teacher when I was first learning how to throw someone ...

"Give me your butt."

 

[chaos1551]

This seems to crop up on just about every "niche" site.

I'm a SCUBA fan, and if anything there's even more of this in that area.
Talk about rubber suits. Penetration. Who's going down first? How long will you be down there? I need some help with my zipper. How deep have you gone? Did you see the size of that eel? Don't you hate when you put it in your mouth and it's all salty? Is it hard to breathe when you're sucking on that hose? Make sure I'm turned on (referring to ones air supply). Can you pull my hose out? I can't get rid of the fishy smell. I need a condom (used when diving in a dry suit...), Did you remember to bring the whip (used to transfer air between tanks...)? Any conversation about crabs. We're going to go down as a group. I bet I can stay down longer than you. You might want a longer hose. There are bubbles coming from behind you, did you blow something? Doing Singles, doubles, twins... (referring to different tank arrangements), Just put it in your mouth and suck on it.

Last time I looked, the thread was like 10 pages long. Better get busy. Chop chop.

I almost died! My co-workers are giving me funny looks.. it would be bad to tell them why I'm laughing!!!

 

[Andy Moynihan]

'Control your breathing and squeeze, the shot should take you just a little by surprise when it breaks."

 

[Rich Parsons]

Things I have heard at work:

Can you reach over and turn me on?

May I borrow your laptop?

Wow, your laptop is warm.


(* All the above were actually said to me by the same person (female) in a running dialog. It was very difficult to keep a straight face. The guy in the rear pasenger seat was laughing silently. She then relaized what she had said and thanked me for not picking on her. *)

Yesterday I heard a woman say:

Should we get a room?

 

[Flea]

This isn't MA-related, but my grandmother is notorious for innocently blurting things that would make a whore blush.

Once the extended family went to a standup hot dog restaurant. It was called "Eat it and Beat it." They ordered, fell to and ate silently. As everyone wound up their meals, my grandmother cheerfully piped up ...

"Usually I like to beat mine first, and then eat it."

Everyone laughed so long and loud they got kicked out.