If I die, ant funeral that I'm the guest of honour in will NOT be a religious-based one

[Scott T]

I just came back from my sister's funeral. With all the religious blah blah blah that went on, her send-off was one of the most boring things I have ever lived through. She deserved better.

As someone who was all bubbley and full of life as she was, it was a frickin' obscenity.

I could just see her lookin' down and shaking her head.

No, when I kick, all I want is to have the ceremony in a quiet (the ol' swimming hole would be great) place with barbeque and an open mic for those who want to tell lies about me, and the occasional truth. I'll even supply my own damned hearse.

 

[girlbug2]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Scott T]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Thanks, but she passed 10 days ago. Her health, due to a rare form of kidney disease, has been fragile for the last 8 years. While it was expected to happen, it actually happening was a shock.

And this wasn't a plea for sympathy, more of a rant about THE WAY THINGS ARE DONE!

:soapbox:

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I can relate. A cousin of mine's funeral turned into a 2hr "convert you heathens" fire and brimstone affair. One of the "brothers" 'a preachin' said repeatedly "we don't know where she is, but you can be saved". (she wasn't that faith, but the family who paid for the funeral were).

At my uncles funeral, I thanked the preacher who officiated for keeping the 'brimstone' down and making 'this pagan' feel welcome. We talked about my cousins funeral and he basically (in a very proper way) said the other folks were buttheads.

Me personally....I'm planning on skipping mine entirely and simply doing that Jedi trick of fading away.

 

[Scott T]

She (the preacher) wasn't fire and brimstone, she was just solemn. Shawna was not a solemn person by any stretch of the imagination. Even with her lot in life, she never complained and always had a ready smile.

And it was a little Jesus-heavy for my taste.

 

[MA-Caver]

I've been to good funerals and bad ones... the last one was my aunt and it was religious (seeing how she was the wife of a minister -- her husband passed away 2 years previous).
I too don't like it when they (clergy) use the occasion to preach their hell and damnation sermons trying to scare you into repentance while someone has died in question of their faith.
I've religious friends and I've non-religious friends. While I haven't given too much thought about HOW I want my services conducted I know I would want one that would respectfully accommodate both without being too over-bearing, either way.

More-n-likely I'd be wanting a wake after a VERY simple religious ceremony. A close-caving friend of mine was killed and his clique (of which I am a part) attended his funeral and then we decided to have a wake in his honor. That was far more moving indeed.

Ten years later we gotten together to remember the man. His parents and wife were stunned that we actually put it together. His father said out of all the various groups that his son was a part of (caving, acting, church, hiking, 4X4's) we were the only ones who remembered him 10 years after. A slide-show, short memorial video and folks standing up and just remembering the funny and good stuff about the man.

I think this is how I would like it.

Scott, if I may suggest ... you can probably put together a wake for your sister... inviting her best friends and family and just have a good time remembering the good stuff.

Condolences for your loss. :asian:

 

[Sukerkin]

For me, the most inappropriate funeral I ever attended was for my dearest friend, Dave.

A devil-may-care biker taken in a car accident along with a number of my other friends (because the driver of the car was stoned, care to guess where my anti-drug feelings come from?).

His funeral was a full-on Catholic dirge because that's what his mother wanted.

Thankfully for his spirit, those of our circle who survived the crash (by not being there) saw him off properly with a bikers wake.

I am saddened for you by your loss, Scott. I have not yet lost any immediate family (closer than aunts, uncles, grandparents, brother-in-law) and I am not looking forward to it. May your memories of 'what was' buoy your spirits when the pain of what has happened bites too hard.

 

[Rayban]

She (the preacher) wasn't fire and brimstone, she was just solemn. Shawna was not a solemn person by any stretch of the imagination. Even with her lot in life, she never complained and always had a ready smile.

And it was a little Jesus-heavy for my taste.

I am sorry for your loss, and can totally relate.

I find that traditional religious ceremonies are not only dreadfully boring (especially for an atheist) but they are very depressing. I've been to a fair few funerals, religious and secular and the secular ones have always seemed like the easiest to deal with.

I was told by a friend of mine who works at a funeral home that most of the people she talks to at religious funerals get really depressed because they can't believe "god" took their loved one from them. whereas the secular attendees tend to have an easier time comming to terms with their loss.

I'm not saying one way is better than another, but I do think it is very important to outline what you want done before you die.

Personally I want a traditional Viking funeral with a huge feast after the ceremony. Haven't decided what I want done with my ashes. I was thinking of getting them put in a cup or something, but I won't know the difference between a marble jar or a cat litter box :S

 

[granfire]

Probably the best funeral was for my grandpa. I was too young to go to the service and I didn't understand at the time, but afterward family and friends gathered for coffee and cake, telling stories about him, laughing and having a good time. Fitting for a man who was known to ride his horse into a pub for a beer for him and his steed.

When my sister passed away a few years ago, it was a bit different. She battled cancer and had much more living to do, but while it was somber, the service was touching and fitting to her life. (and after we had coffee and cake and told stories about her and had a reasonably good time. She might have had her massive quirks, she did like to be the center of attention)


Sorry for your loss. Even if you expect it, as you said, it's a shock. (But 10 days is recent. all the firsts without her are yet to come. My best wishes to you and your family)

 

[elder999]

AHis funeral was a full-on Catholic dirge because that's what his mother wanted.

Thankfully for his spirit, those of our circle who survived the crash (by not being there) saw him off properly with a bikers wake..

As my Dad used to say, Funerals are for the living.-in this case, the needs of all were satisfied-remember, his mother wanted you there, for the "full-on Catholic dirge."

Me, I like the idea of celebrating the person's life, though that can seem inappropriate at times. When my Dad died, it was something of a big deal, with as close as the Episcopal church can come to a "full-on Catholic".....well, not a dirge. It was a celebration, with at severalbishops, two former NYC mayors, other NY political figures, and, well, it seemed like the whole damn town in attendance. Our family wore white, and insisted that no one come "in mourning."A very "Catholic" mass, which my dad would have appreciated, and jazz music, which my dad also would have appreciated.I hadn't seen him in a while, but a childhood friend attended in an aloha shirt....which my dad would have appreciated. :lol:
In NY, though, the remains have to be accompanied by a certified mortician, and the poor woman went out of her mind with confusion.....:lfao:

Sorry for your loss-I'd say to go ahead and do as Caver recommends, and get your sisters friends, and whatever relatives would want to be there, and celebrate her life in a way that feels appropriate to you.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Not my call, and to each their own. Frankly, I want a Viking funeral. That, or to be blown up.

And my funeral will not be a success unless there is at least one fistfight, with stitches required to close the wounds. I don't care who or what, just get to it. In fact, it would be a riot if the casket were overturned and my body rolled out. I want police cars stolen, drunken carrying on, general mayhem.

When it's over, I want people rubbing their heads, looking for the aspirin and saying "Damn I'm glad that butthole can only die once."

Ya'll keep that in mind in case you hear I've cacked it.

 

[Scott T]

Thanks, all (Especially you, Bill. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. I'd be honoured to start 2-3 fistfights at your funeral!).

I think the hardest part for me is that she was only 34, and was diagnosed when she was 12. We are steps, actually, from 2 families made into one when I was a teen and she was just entering her teen years. I watched her grow up from a geeky kid into a beautiful young woman and mother. She may have had bad moments, but she never had a bad day. Her bubbly personality wouldn't allow it.

 

[granfire]

I think the hardest part for me is that she was only 34, and was diagnosed when she was 12. We are steps, actually, from 2 families made into one when I was a teen and she was just entering her teen years. I watched her grow up from a geeky kid into a beautiful young woman and mother. She may have had bad moments, but she never had a bad day. Her bubbly personality wouldn't allow it.

That is a nice tribute to her.

 

[Bruno@MT]

Not my call, and to each their own. Frankly, I want a Viking funeral. That, or to be blown up.

And my funeral will not be a success unless there is at least one fistfight, with stitches required to close the wounds. I don't care who or what, just get to it. In fact, it would be a riot if the casket were overturned and my body rolled out. I want police cars stolen, drunken carrying on, general mayhem.

When it's over, I want people rubbing their heads, looking for the aspirin and saying "Damn I'm glad that butthole can only die once."

Ya'll keep that in mind in case you hear I've cacked it.

Interesting. See. I knew we could find common ground somewhere.
I want a viking burial. I want good boots on my feet, a hip flask of malt in my pocket, and a sword in my hands. If there is any chance I'll get to partake in eternal fighting, feasting and fornication, I want to take it

While my body is burning / floating away, I want there to be BBQ. Lots of meat. And my entire collection of old malt whisky has got to go. And believe me, it will take some serious drinking to do so. I want it to be a party that will remembered, and for people to say: 'wow, that was going out in style'.

 

[Bruno@MT]

Probably the best funeral was for my grandpa. I was too young to go to the service and I didn't understand at the time, but afterward family and friends gathered for coffee and cake, telling stories about him, laughing and having a good time. Fitting for a man who was known to ride his horse into a pub for a beer for him and his steed.

This is how Belgian funerals go by default.
My grandmothers funeral was hard on me, since she and I were very close.
During the funeral and the burial, it is time for tears, sadness and actually saying goodbye.

After the burial, everyone went to the 'coffee table' where there was coffee, soda, beer and wine, and of course cake, pie and sandwiches. Everybody got to eat and drink their fill, while talking about fond memories, things they said or would have said, etc. Generally, this is a fairly cheerful event where you can turn the page.

This is generally how most funerals go in Belgium.

 

[fangjian]

My dad passed away last summer and I made sure to have a memorial service instead of a 'funeral'. We did it at the University library where he worked. We had food there. His band he use to play with played a few of his favorite songs. All around the room I displayed all of his artwork and music writing that he had done. It was a great event. My mom begged me to have a minister there, so I did. He kept the religious stuff to an absolute minimum, and was more just the host of the event along with myself.

 

[crushing]

Not my call, and to each their own. Frankly, I want a Viking funeral. That, or to be blown up.

And my funeral will not be a success unless there is at least one fistfight, with stitches required to close the wounds. I don't care who or what, just get to it. In fact, it would be a riot if the casket were overturned and my body rolled out. I want police cars stolen, drunken carrying on, general mayhem.

When it's over, I want people rubbing their heads, looking for the aspirin and saying "Damn I'm glad that butthole can only die once."

Ya'll keep that in mind in case you hear I've cacked it.

Except for the drunk part, sounds a just like Ayatollah Khomeini's funeral.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Except for the drunk part, sounds a just like Ayatollah Khomeini's funeral.

Cool. I am the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla.

 

[Omar B]

I'm not one for pomp and ceremony (I never even went to my college or high school graduations). But a funeral are for those left behind, so I guess whoever does the planning gets to pick the type it will be ... unless it was explicitly stated in the will.

My needs are simple, donate my organs, keep the brain and a good amount of blood so if cloning ever gets to that stage they can bring me back. Burn the rest and put it in a nice vase.

 

[granfire]

This is how Belgian funerals go by default.
My grandmothers funeral was hard on me, since she and I were very close.
During the funeral and the burial, it is time for tears, sadness and actually saying goodbye.

After the burial, everyone went to the 'coffee table' where there was coffee, soda, beer and wine, and of course cake, pie and sandwiches. Everybody got to eat and drink their fill, while talking about fond memories, things they said or would have said, etc. Generally, this is a fairly cheerful event where you can turn the page.

This is generally how most funerals go in Belgium.

Well, the German way, too. Gramps had quiet a reputation....