Helping out the Homeless

[Msby]

I was in San Francisco last week, and I remember seeing MANY homeless people sitting on the sides of the street holding signs asking for money. One man in particular would grunt at people who walked by to draw their attention to his sign. However, something new happened that day. I was walking by a small Chinese "Restaurant" with my family (read: Hole in the wall). And I saw a man just standing there.

When I walked by he said this, "Excuse me, I'm sorry to hold you up and how this must look, but I would appreciate it if you listen for a second. Let me say first, I don't want any money, because I know how people view that. But I would really appreciate it if you could help me out by buying some cheap food from this restaurant."

The restaurant he was talking about was REALLY cheap. A Chinese bun probably would have been $1 and that itself is a substantial meal! I was about to help the guy out because he was so polite about it, but then I saw that my mom/grandparents had walked basically to the end of the block during this conversation and I think they would have really opposed me spending money. Unfortunately I had to tell him the truth, that I'm not allowed to spend money on trips without permission. Instead I directed him to a restaurant across the street that was a bit cheaper. He thanked me and I just wished him good luck.

When I caught up with my family, I realized something... I was holding a bag of extra take out.... I was about to run back and give it to him, but they wouldn't let me go.
This has been bugging me, so I just want to know... What would you do?

 

[MA-Caver]

I was in San Francisco last week, and I remember seeing MANY homeless people sitting on the sides of the street holding signs asking for money. One man in particular would grunt at people who walked by to draw their attention to his sign. However, something new happened that day. I was walking by a small Chinese "Restaurant" with my family (read: Hole in the wall). And I saw a man just standing there.

When I walked by he said this, "Excuse me, I'm sorry to hold you up and how this must look, but I would appreciate it if you listen for a second. Let me say first, I don't want any money, because I know how people view that. But I would really appreciate it if you could help me out by buying some cheap food from this restaurant."

The restaurant he was talking about was REALLY cheap. A Chinese bun probably would have been $1 and that itself is a substantial meal! I was about to help the guy out because he was so polite about it, but then I saw that my mom/grandparents had walked basically to the end of the block during this conversation and I think they would have really opposed me spending money. Unfortunately I had to tell him the truth, that I'm not allowed to spend money on trips without permission. Instead I directed him to a restaurant across the street that was a bit cheaper. He thanked me and I just wished him good luck.

When I caught up with my family, I realized something... I was holding a bag of extra take out.... I was about to run back and give it to him, but they wouldn't let me go.
This has been bugging me, so I just want to know... What would you do?

When our hearts direct us to do good to our fellow man we shouldn't give a DAMN about what others think.
It's only a couple of bucks that you'd spent somewhere else getting a drink or whatever!
How old are you that you should have to be concerned about what your family thinks? Even if you're under 18 you still have the option to do good to others. If you were giving money to EVERY SINGLE homeless person there then I could see how that would be a problem but you picked this one guy (or he picked you) and your heart went out to him...
Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself the same question.

 

[Hawke]

Some fast food offer gift certificates.

You can give those. Just keep a few on hand.

Sometimes people may need a little help.

 

[Tames D]

I would have given him a few bucks. I've been very fortunate in my life and it's a good feeling to 'give back' to people that need it. If your feeling guilty about it, make up for it by helping someone else.

 

[Big Don]

If he was homeless in San Francisco he most likely wasn't in too much need. That city has a plethora of programs for the homeless.

 

[MA-Caver]

If he was homeless in San Francisco he most likely wasn't in too much need. That city has a plethora of programs for the homeless.

That may be true but it doesn't matter when you think about it... what are YOU willing to do for your fellow man? That's the crux of it all... There's always going to be poor people no matter what but how well the poor live depends upon us who are not quite as unfortunate. We don't have to give them EVERYTHING.
Being poor and being on the streets I'd been happy with a couple of bucks so to buy a hamburger to put something in my stomach, or at least bus-fare to get to/from a soup-kitchen that happens to be across town... you ever walk across town and back again? Try it ... then do it daily for a week.
Until you lain down with the dogs I'd not complain about their state of living.

 

[Karatedrifter7]

Well you were caught in a situation where you couldnt do much. From what I gather you couldnt go against your elders? Right? So you should'nt be feeling guilty about not helping him out, because the money wasnt really yours to spend. If I'm understanding you right? But this desire to help the homeless is good, and the problem isint going away. So maybe you're suited for a career helping out others in this capacity? Think about it, you could make a difference when so many people just pick careers to help themsleves.

 

[Msby]

I kinda feel like an idiot for not thinking it through. MA-Caver is right about thinking for myself on what to do. But Karatedrifter7, you are right about the fact that the money wasn't mine to spend unfortunately...
Now I just have to make sure to do the right thing NEXT time

 

[Carol]

You don't have to wait until next time. If the sight of homeless folks moves you, its possible to research some organizations that reach out to homeless people and see if there is one you want to support. Even if all you can manage is $5, that is still a welcome contribution.


As far as what I would have done though, I would have kept going. I have given money to homeless people before. When I lived in the city, there were many homeless folks in my neighborhood. But I had very little respect for the people that get in your face. Some homeless people get very aggressive with their panhandling. Some are scammers. And some may not be homeless at all but may be trying to commit a crime. The folks I was inclined to help were more respectful and sedate.

I had a soft spot for homeless street musicians though. Hey, they were trying to work for their donation. Even if was just a guy tapping out a rhythm with some discarded construction materials, if they were trying to be entertaining, they got a buck from me.

 

[Bruno@MT]

Unfortunately I had to tell him the truth, that I'm not allowed to spend money on trips without permission. Instead I directed him to a restaurant across the street that was a bit cheaper. He thanked me and I just wished him good luck.

I am wondering hold old are you?

You should be > 16 if you are posting here. But in that case, if it is your own money (if it comes from your allowance / pocket money/ whatever) I think you should have been able to justify spending the 1$ or so it would take you.

 

[Msby]

I'm 17 and I guess I could have justified spending the buck. Too many years of having to ask I guess... I need to get out more...

I just would've never heard the end of it for the rest of the trip. (Which I don't mind if it helped someone)

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

I have been homeless before it's tough. Most homeless people in modern times are people caught in bad times and are not the social stigma of addicts or mentally ill though it is case by case. The homeless voice which is here in Florida: http://homelessvoice.org/
States that most people are a paycheck or two away from being homeless. If you can not help someone at least offer a prayer that there suffering comes to an end. Msby I think your heart was in the right place sometimes we can't always do what we want.

If you are interest in helping the homeless there is an organization called Food not Bombs: http://www.foodnotbombs.net/

I was with them and it is group of 15-30year old who feed the homeless vegetarian meals it will change your perception of what homeless is and you may even get a friend out of it. Food not Bombs meetups.
http://www.foodnotbombs.net/unitedstates.html

 

[JDenver]

If he was homeless in San Francisco he most likely wasn't in too much need. That city has a plethora of programs for the homeless.

??????????

ps - if you wanna give assistance to someone, you shouldn't care if family members dissaprove. They can dissaprove all they want, there's no defence needed in helping people.

 

[Steve]

My problem with things like that are that it's very difficult to tell the difference between someone who needs the help and someone who is essentially a pro. I will almost never give money or food directly to a person on the street asking for it (although there are always exceptions, in cases where the person seems sincerely hungry and in need). I much prefer to give money directly to the shelters and soup kitchens, where I can be reasonably sure that the money will find its way to people in need.

Where I live, getting off the freeway, I see the same 2 young people begging at the stop light. They're pros, who have opted to beg for a living. It drives me crazy. I've caught them at the end of their work day, folding up their sign and walking to their car. While I don't know much about them, I do know that they can stand for extended lengths of time, they can apply themselves to a task, and they don't appear to be at any kind of a physical disadvantage. They can also consistently meet a schedule, because they're on that spot almost every day.

People like this actually leech money away from those who have genuinely fallen on hard times and it really irritates me.

 

[Jade Tigress]

My problem with things like that are that it's very difficult to tell the difference between someone who needs the help and someone who is essentially a pro. I will almost never give money or food directly to a person on the street asking for it (although there are always exceptions, in cases where the person seems sincerely hungry and in need). I much prefer to give money directly to the shelters and soup kitchens, where I can be reasonably sure that the money will find its way to people in need.

Where I live, getting off the freeway, I see the same 2 young people begging at the stop light. They're pros, who have opted to beg for a living. It drives me crazy. I've caught them at the end of their work day, folding up their sign and walking to their car. While I don't know much about them, I do know that they can stand for extended lengths of time, they can apply themselves to a task, and they don't appear to be at any kind of a physical disadvantage. They can also consistently meet a schedule, because they're on that spot almost every day.

People like this actually leech money away from those who have genuinely fallen on hard times and it really irritates me.

We have *pros* like that around here too. Many of them. They camp out around expressway exits and the like. You'll see the same people all the time.

Many years ago my husband and I were driving in that area and saw a woman with a little girl and an old stuffed backpack holding a sign for help. Now, she may have been a pro, and it wouldn't surprise me if she was. In any case my heart went out to her.

So my husband and I went to a fast food restaurant nearby, bought meals for both her and the child, drove back and gave it to her. I figured if she was a pro that's on her conscience. Mine conscience was clear.

 

[CoryKS]

San Francisco's a good example of how a desire to fix a problem can actually create more of it. They have such a reputation for being friendly to the homeless that they've drawn them to the city from elsewhere.

There's a local bum that hangs out in a certain area of town. He's a colorful character and most people in the area know who he is ("can I get a downpayment on a cheeseburger?"). A few years back, he disappeared for a while. Someone from the local paper interviewed him, and he had gone off to SF because he had heard it was easier pickings. Ended up coming back because there were so many other panhandlers that the competition was fierce.

Not sure how he managed to make a round trip to San Francisco without money though. Does that technically make him a hobo?

 

[Carol]

San Francisco's a good example of how a desire to fix a problem can actually create more of it. They have such a reputation for being friendly to the homeless that they've drawn them to the city from elsewhere.

I think the biggest draw is the moderate weather. It doesn't get too hot or too cold, doesn't snow, and rarely rains. Being homeless in Boston - much tougher gig.

 

[Tames D]

Not sure how he managed to make a round trip to San Francisco without money though. Does that technically make him a hobo?

I bet he has more money stashed away than you think

.

 

[CoryKS]

I bet he has more money stashed away than you think

.

I don't doubt it.

 

[MJS]

I was in San Francisco last week, and I remember seeing MANY homeless people sitting on the sides of the street holding signs asking for money. One man in particular would grunt at people who walked by to draw their attention to his sign. However, something new happened that day. I was walking by a small Chinese "Restaurant" with my family (read: Hole in the wall). And I saw a man just standing there.

When I walked by he said this, "Excuse me, I'm sorry to hold you up and how this must look, but I would appreciate it if you listen for a second. Let me say first, I don't want any money, because I know how people view that. But I would really appreciate it if you could help me out by buying some cheap food from this restaurant."

The restaurant he was talking about was REALLY cheap. A Chinese bun probably would have been $1 and that itself is a substantial meal! I was about to help the guy out because he was so polite about it, but then I saw that my mom/grandparents had walked basically to the end of the block during this conversation and I think they would have really opposed me spending money. Unfortunately I had to tell him the truth, that I'm not allowed to spend money on trips without permission. Instead I directed him to a restaurant across the street that was a bit cheaper. He thanked me and I just wished him good luck.

When I caught up with my family, I realized something... I was holding a bag of extra take out.... I was about to run back and give it to him, but they wouldn't let me go.
This has been bugging me, so I just want to know... What would you do?

I got to NYC every year, usually around the Holidays. I see countless homeless people, and as much as it'd be nice to want to help all of them, its physically impossible to do. One time that I was there, I was sitting down inside one of the stores, in their little cafe area, resting, and grabbing something to drink. I noticed this homeless lady digging thru the trash. She was pulling out containers with half eaten food in them, as well as drinks. The thought of seeing this was sad and disgusting at the same time. I had pointed this out to my wife, sister and brother in law, who were with me at the time.

After a few minutes of watching this, I had seen enough. I stood up, and started walking towards this person. I was going to take her to the counter and get her something to eat. However, by the time I got up and started walking, she took her 'treasure' that she found, and took off.

It is sad, and in the end, all we can really do, is hope that these people find their way to a shelter or a place to get a decent, fresh meal.