Forgivness

[terryl965]

Over my 40 years in the MA I have made 100's of friend and just as many enemies should there be a time when you see a old enemy that you can put aside the past and be able to forgive each other youth and began a social setting, while at seminars or tournaments or should the past reflect the present. I believe differences can be put aside, what do you think and how should one go about it? I've seen a old Ma'ers that over the years we grown apart for difference of opinons on how to train and act around students, I've grown over the years and he still has the I'm better than everybody attitude, he's always right everybodys wrong and would like to get together. I have mix feelings for he has not changed over the years.. Should I be a better man and sit down or just forget about it. Thanks for your comments in advance..
Terry

 

[TigerWoman]

he still has the I'm better than everybody attitude, he's always right everybodys wrong and would like to get together. I have mix feelings for he has not changed over the years..

How does he want to get together--a conversation of old "friends", or a business commitment? I would venture "giving" on the first but not on the last. If you don't respect him, it would make a business relationship pretty dicey. But I would never turn away someone who wants to talk. People do change and sometimes it takes the right person to get "through" to make him aware of his shortcoming and realize the person he should strive to be. If he is still full of himself, no humility, it would be difficult for me to respect him too. Respect has to be earned. But if all he wants is to tell you how great he is, you have to wonder why he is doing that now. What does he have to say to you? Why would he waste the time to tell you how great he is and how wonderful life is? I would wonder what his real problem is. Maybe since he senses humility in you (and probably does respect you) that he could come to you with his problem without judging. Or it could be that he just needs you for business...like in tournament trading...but who knows??? TW

 

[Sarah]

Is it possible this person actually looks up to you or is jealous of you and therefore talks himself up a bit??

Just a thought, good luck with what you decide.

 

[Raewyn]

This person sounds like a bit of a noter. Sarah has a point, may have a case of the jealousies!!! If that person cannot let bygones be bygones maybe its best to let it rest. For some people to put aside their differences.......its easier said than done!!!

Good luck with this.

 

[8253]

Always forgive, never forget. Those who have forgotten the past are doomed to repeat it.

 

[Flatlander]

Hi Terry,

Is this dude dangerous or just annoying? If he's dangerous, I'd just as well stay clear of him. If he's annoying, you have to ask yourself, is this a problem with me, or him? Maybe you are intolerant (no disrespect Terry) or , maybe he's viewed the same way by everyone. Either way, nobody said you needed to be the guy's best bud or anything. You could spend an hour or whatever in the same room, and there is no harm done. Think of it as training your patience.

Stay cool, Terry.

 

[terryl965]

Hi Terry,

Is this dude dangerous or just annoying? If he's dangerous, I'd just as well stay clear of him. If he's annoying, you have to ask yourself, is this a problem with me, or him? Maybe you are intolerant (no disrespect Terry) or , maybe he's viewed the same way by everyone. Either way, nobody said you needed to be the guy's best bud or anything. You could spend an hour or whatever in the same room, and there is no harm done. Think of it as training your patience.

Stay cool, Terry.

Flatlander and the rest, I talked to him on the phone today and he sound pretty sincere, just trying to mend past wrongs is the way he put it. Said he found himself again and was hoping to open a school again and was looking for the past to help him build a bighter tomorrow he's words not mine. So we sit up a time to meet and go over some of his Ideals and I'll let you know how it turns out. Thanks everybody

 

[Flatlander]

Cool stuff Terry. See? The human species isn't necessarily doomed to self destruction.

It's great to see you able to work past old differences. Much respect, brother.

Dan

 

[mj-hi-yah]

I've grown over the years and he still has the I'm better than everybody attitude, he's always right everybodys wrong and would like to get together. I have mix feelings for he has not changed over the years.. Should I be a better man and sit down or just forget about it. Thanks for your comments in advance..

Terry,

I think if you decide to do this you already know in your heart that he has not changed, in fact he may be more insufferable as time may have fed his ego further. It's also possible that he has grown and matured in his own right. This you won't know unless you explore it further. Here's the thing though...you say it yourself, you have grown over the years. You need to ask yourself one question...have I grown enough to view this old enemy in a totally new light, or will I react with the same feelings of possible resentment or negativity that I had in the past around him should he show his arrogance? If you can accept him for who/what he is and still be true to yourself, safe in the knowledge that you have a mature attitude and won't react negatively to his behavior, than a meeting may just do you some good - cleanse your soul of those old feelings. I think the very fact that you are even contemplating this shows that you have some need or interest in a possible meeting and maybe it's just to confirm that you are indeed the better, more evolved person. That can do you good as well!

Make it work for you!

MJ :asian:

So I saw your new post just now and it sounds very positive. Good Luck Terry I'll be interested in hearing how it turns out!

 

[loki09789]

Over my 40 years in the MA I have made 100's of friend and just as many enemies should there be a time when you see a old enemy that you can put aside the past and be able to forgive each other youth and began a social setting, while at seminars or tournaments or should the past reflect the present. I believe differences can be put aside, what do you think and how should one go about it? I've seen a old Ma'ers that over the years we grown apart for difference of opinons on how to train and act around students, I've grown over the years and he still has the I'm better than everybody attitude, he's always right everybodys wrong and would like to get together. I have mix feelings for he has not changed over the years.. Should I be a better man and sit down or just forget about it. Thanks for your comments in advance..
Terry

Ah, just go. Tactically speaking, if you do, you are putting up an honorable front, you can't be accused of a snub or that you are too intimidated by him to get together and you are acting in consistent accord with your values as an instructor if you 'make peace,' or 'face the problem' as opposed to avoiding it (some people's views may be that you dodged the meeting).

Moral/ethically speaking, it is the right thing to do because it demonstrates hope that things can change and that you are looking for the good/God in this guy. What the heck.

In the end it isn't so much what HE does or what it turns out to be like (good or bad experience) but what YOU did based on your ideals that counts. That is the stuff that will keep you up at night or make it hard to look yourself in the mirror while you are shaving.

The problem with this stuff is when you try to be soooo gracious that you end up doing more 'shared projects' with the guy than your comfortable with "because it's nice" when the best/honest thing would be to simply say "no thanks" and leave it at that.

 

[Sin]

Let sleeping dogs lie.......try and be there friend.......apoligize if necessary....but the second they turn on you...things go back the way they where.