Female communication

[Fightback2]

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

 

[rmcpeek]

HA! Too True!! Nice post.

 

[The Kai]

Basically when around females of the species here's my rules

1.) No sudden moves
2.) Keep arms close to body
3.) No eye contact (this is seen as a challenege)
4.) When attempting to hand feed items such as chocolate, please make sure to keep your fingers clear.
5.) Remember when enraged your best bet is to lie still, hopefully after physically and emotionally slappping you around they will grow tired
6.) Compliments must be well thought out. Example "You look great everyday, tonight you of course look great and I'm sure you will look great tomorrow" meaning "you look nice tonight"
7.) Realise that sex makes the male dumber. Be advised

 

[JenniM]

Hey......were you a female in a previous life?? - Now we're gonna have to change all the meanings!!!!- after all if you start understanding us, that will be the end of civilisation as we know it and no fun for us at all

 

[Fightback2]

I'm a female in this life too! Just trying to educate the guys.

 

[OUMoose]

Still my personal favorite...

"If you don't know, then I'm not telling you!"

Tell ya what ladies, if you ask us a question, and we don't know the answer, either tell us or don't get upset when we shrug and walk off to do something manly.

 

[TimoS]

Reminds me of this Sherman's Lagoon comic http://www.slagoon.com/communication.html

 

[mj_lover]

i will need to remember those...much thanks!

 

[MA-Caver]

Reminds me of this Sherman's Lagoon comic http://www.slagoon.com/communication.html

:lol: Oh God.... "MAYBE" that's one that Fightback2 forgot to mention/explain.

Also what about this land mine(and variations there-of) : "Am I fat?" we say no then we're lying our asses off, if we say yes then not chocolate, roses/flowers, diamond rings. furs, etc. is going to save us. Even tip-toeing around the answer is asking for it: "Umm, well it's a nice dress and it goes well with your eyes and your shoes..."

What I want to know are the positive ones not just the dangerous ones.
Like when is it okay?

When do women really really want to do something that we like to do and not just doing something to humor us so that we'll feel obligated to do something that ya'll want to go do...like...the opera :barf:

and so forth

 

[arnisador]

At long last, the manual! Thanks!

 

[dubljay]

*smacks forehead* EH! so thats why my last relationship when down the tubes!

 

[JenniM]

I'm a female in this life too! Just trying to educate the guys.

Apologies - that will teach me to make the assumption that it had to be a male giving our secret code away

 

[Simon Curran]

I still don't get it...

 

[MA-Caver]

I still don't get it...

<pats simon on the back understandingly> s'ok... you're a man. We men ... never will.

:wink1:

 

[Simon Curran]

<pats simon on the back understandingly> s'ok... you're a man. We men ... never will.

:wink1:

Thanks for the support dude.:asian:
(Ladies, see what you do to us, reduce us to :waah: snivelling, whining wrecks...)

 

[Fightback2]

Thanks for the support dude.:asian:
(Ladies, see what you do to us, reduce us to :waah: snivelling, whining wrecks...)

Waaahaaahaaahaaa *wringing hands and smiling evilly* Oh the power.

 

[Simon Curran]

Waaahaaahaaahaaa *wringing hands and smiling evilly* Oh the power.

Evil, evil, evil!!!