Difficult conversation, ideas?

[Jenna]

Objective, logical advice sought

By way of context, I cannot stop my son from googling my medical condition on the internet and which you know is NEVER a thing to settle your mind if you are worried in the first place and so he is convinced himself somehow that my third and hopefully fingers-and-toes-crossed-with-prayer-outriders final ARVC surgery on Friday will go bad despite my efforts to show him that even if he is taller and stronger than me I am still healthy and capable of putting him on the floor for Japanese tickle torture . Though some of you know well of my boy I have not spoken of him much as the prejudices of others has always taught me that pretence is best because my son he is 16 and I am 30 and that is more than plenty of reason to be quiet and pretend things are otherwise no matter how proud of him I am . On this occasion though I am coming up short under my own wit and so I am here in the open asking for advice again.

Because of the stupid internet he has gotten upset over what he obviously believes is some new gift for soothsaying into my future and so I said to him that if probabilities were to be believed we would all be dead of swine flu pandemics or lightning strikes or fabled buses that run you down when you go out one morning, though I think that did not help and the truth is that not every fight I can win. And what words do you use to persuade your son he will be just fine even when his mother is not around? that is why I am shining this batlight for advice I am conceited to think I am the only one for him. My flatmate is my best friend she is his Godmother supposedly to look after him though she is younger than me and is more like an older sister to him and anyway she is a big airhead really. My dad passed away some time ago so there is only me. I have taught my son everything I know about everything even if that is probably not so much. He is clever thankfully and but he is only young and what does he know about anything?

Please excuse me for not being concise.. all that yabber is just for context and all I need objective and logical advice on is how does a sit down talk with any loved one about getting along without you actually begin? I do not know how to broach this seriously without him laughing it off or me dancing around the conversation like the Erroneous Aikido Fairy Wiser and more experienced heads if you are there, batlight is lit. Your help is sought, objective, logical help not emotive help or sympathetic help or anything else as I do not require that, thank you. And even if you have no experience, guess your best guess for me, I am unarmed for this one.. I love you all, Jxo

 

[WC_lun]

I've had to have a similiar conversation with my wife. It isn't easy. I think that having it with a child might be even more difficult, as mom's are super heroes to them. Even when they are teenagers

I don't think there is is any one right way. Maybe over dinner or something. It might take some time, so don't have any other time crunches going on. Be aware that he may not be ready to hear the things you gotta tell him. Also be aware that he may not react as you thought he would and don't let that throw you. The most important thing is he knows you love him and you're not going through what you're going through because its a choice. Sorry, but that's all I got.

Good luck on the procedure and your talk.

 

[Flying Crane]

ugh. I don't know how to approach this other than to say, you're gonna have to be up front, direct, don't pull the punches. Hugs, dude, I just don't know what else to tell you.

That and, it seems that whenever we have an unknown or uncertain medical condition, until it is over it takes our minds to the worst possible places. It's the unknowing that makes it so uncomfortable. I recently had a brain MRI, I had been having some unusual headaches and other things, it was just odd enough for my doctor to decide it was worth checking, even tho she felt strongly that the MRI would show nothing unusual. It turned out fine, nothing wrong with my brain, but during that time I was jumping out of my skin, waiting for the results. I was already making lists of people who would get my swords, my bows, my tomahawk, when I was dead. Morbid, I know, but it's where the head goes in the face of this kind of thing. And then I got the results and it was all good.

So while the build-up of this might be ugly, when it's over and everthing is good, all that worry is for nothing. Maybe this helps, maybe it doesn't, but it's all I've got for you right now.

I'll be sending my good thoughts your way. Come back and tell us you are OK when it's done.

 

[Sukerkin]

A serious conversation indeed, my dear friend. Not an easy one to broach. Is it that you plan to allay your sons fears as to the risks or try to prepare him for what to do if the very worst should happen? Mayhaps a mix of both is best here.

There are risks with every surgery, some worse than others. Because I am ignorant of the surgical methods that are used for such a cardiovascular disorder I don't know the scale of risk you have to put across. I assume that they are not ludicrously high or the surgeons would not be recommending the treatment? Can you find a comparable risk factor in ordinary life to use as an example? If it is in the same sort of region as being hit by a car, for example, then that will help your son put some perspective on it.

That done, the altogether more sensitive issue of how to prepare for what to do if things go so badly wrong that you are taken from us. For a start, I shall be very angry at the god you believe in if that happens ...

... more seriously, the trick is to get him to see that it is something he may have to face without, as he seems to have done already, falling into the trap of thinking that because something might go wrong that it will go wrong.

One thing that may be of help is to call upon the strength of the bond between you so that he recognises that he has to be strong for you as well as for himself. I can speak from personal experience that that need for you to provide assurance that you can cope when bad things happen can be a self-fulfilling prophecy i.e. because you know that it falls to you to be strong, to ease the stress on your family, means that you become as strong as you need to be.

 

[Gnarlie]

Hi Jenna

I wouldn't profess to have wisdom, or experience of anything like this, other than having a mother and having a male perspective.

So for what it's worth: In your son's place, I would view myself as a young adult and would want you to tell me the truth about how you view the situation and any risks involved. I would definitely want you to acknowledge that there is an element of risk, and not promise me that everything will be fine. No brave face, and certainly no Aikido Fairies. I wouldn't want you to be a super hero. I would want to do whatever possible to help my mum cope and deal with the process. We fellas love our mums, see, no matter what we say. Many of us regret not saying that when we should have.

I wish you well with the conversation and the op.

 

[KempoGuy06]

Speaking from the side of the argument you son will be on...

Just sit down with him and tell him. At 16 kids are smart enough to know when a parent is piling on the b/s or when they are being less than 100% truthful.

He will be upset and angry and optimistic and unwilling to accept that possible future. On the other hand he will be eternally grateful that you treated him like an adult and that you took the time to sit down and explain to him that you trust him enough and believe in him enough that, even though you havent taught him everything you wanted to teach him, he will be able to make it in the world without you.

I cant imagine what it would be like to have to sit down and tell my wife, or my future children that there is a possibility that i will have to leave them before either of us are ready. but i can tell you that the conversation from the other side of the table is just as difficult.

Trust me when i tell you that you are not the only one that is worried or nervous about the conversation, your son is as well. Frankly speaking you would be deluding yourself to believe that your son doesnt expect the conversation is coming or even that he has wondered why its hasnt come yet.

So as for broaching the subject, do it like you would take of a bandaid. Just start the conversation. You will be glad to get it off your chest and you son will be happy that you treated him like an adult with this serious subject.

B

PS - as for what people think about the age of you and your son, i have 2 middle fingers that you can borrow should you have need of some extra ones.

 

[jks9199]

I see a couple of things going on with your son. He's scared. And he doesn't feel that he's getting all the info from you. The first suggestion I have is to take him with you to talk to your doctor, and the surgeon (if they're not one & the same). He's old enough that he can understand, and that he needs to feel he's getting the straight information. Second, I think he & you need to have a chat -- probably facilitated by a professional counselor of some sort. Choices range from ministers to social workers. You just need someone to help the two of you air out the issues.

 

[Jenna]

I will try and not draw this out needlessly and but I want to express my gratitude to each of you You are all dear friends x
@WC_Lun, Thank you my friend, your reasoning is perfect and makes perfect sense and there are things to be taken from what you have said to me. This is more than plenty, thank you, I am grateful x
@Flying_Crane, Michael I think frankness is a sound approach. You have made me think that perhaps I am afraid of his reaction because perhaps I do not believe I can handle my own reaction. I am so glad your scan was clear You are right, you cannot stop your mind from eloping into the fields shouting tales of doom ha.. and but I think I am better with practicalities and have my will sorted a long time ago. I understand how that seems morbid, to me that was the easy bit I do not mean to be nosey and but I wonder during all that thinking did you have a conversation with your lady? I appreciate your wisdom as ever Michael. Thank you, I am grateful.
@Sukerkin, Mark you are a dear and you have given me plenty to think of and have made me smile too and that is an achievement good sir Yes a mixture of both scenarios is probably what I had not thought of, concentrating my worries on the latter. I like your scale of risk idea. I tried something similar before though he is good at google, only google is no place for allaying medical fears as I am sure you know Yes, too much negative thinking, that is a key you have got that one spot on I think. And I appreciate your point about putting some of the need to cope on him that is a good idea. Thank you again gallant knight, as always, I am indebted x
@Gnarlie, thank you too my friend, you are clever to look at it like this. I still see him as a baby even though he is a big horrible smelly one You are right, I think he would want to help. I just like to be the one who does everything. I am sure your mum is exactly the same with you, yes? It is the idea of separation you see, how do you think your mum felt when you went away. She is pleased for you and but she just wanted to keep you forever.. ah.. that is a hard pill to swallow.. Yes, you are right some of us never suited capes I think Hey thank you again, it is good for me to hear, I am obliged to you.
@KempoGuy06, dear B, ah thank you my friend for your understanding, my dad would have been the one to give those middle fingers just exactly as you have offered He was a silly billy too. Thank you for saying. You cannot know quite what that means.. Yes you are right about bs and fibbing.. though it is done with only love I promise and but you are correct, I should not be doing it at all. He would not appreciate it in the long run as you suggest. Strange, I have always subscribed to bandaid theory. I think in this case it is different as it seems as though I am pulling that bandaid off of someone else not myself if you follow. Though I think the same principle applies, yes that is true. Thank you again for such a thoughtful and objective reply. You have my gratitude x
@jks9199, my friend, you have seen through my flimsy defence as always, no you are right he is not getting all the information because I am caught between being tough for him and being open with him and it is a task to be both. Thank you for these practical suggestions. I had not considered talking through an intermediary. Yes, the minister spoke with him privately and I do not know the advice given though now he vacillates between presenting me with more from his dossier of google’s doomsday scenario “evidence” or his latest comeback when I asked for a talk was to brush me off by quoting at me the demise of Captain Oates and he says to me, I am going outside and may be some time, pffft.. I appreciate you taking the time to reply in such practical terms. That is exactly spot on what I am looking for. You know I am always grateful and in your debt x

 

[granfire]

I have not read all replies.

And I was not around when my sister fell sick and passed. Her daughter was 7 at the time.

No, we don't want to hear about the mortality of our parents. And it really does not matter how old or young we are.

But we have grown accustomed to our sanitary life, people don't die.

Well, they do, but it's not part of life anymore.

I don't know how your spiritual context looks. It could help to give comfort and explain things.

but I am a firm believer in straight talk.

Have a sitdown with him. Talk, ask questions, be honest.

yes, he might not react in a way you expect or hope. But he will listen.

Also, make sure the 'just in case' scenarios are cleared, the worst case scenario covered.

At 16 (man I hope my own devil spawn makes it til then ) is far from being a child that needs to be cuddled, though not quiet old enough to be on his own yet.
Although we do tend to miss the transition from kid to young adult as parent...

However, he will worry. He loves you. he did what reasonable people do: research the problem....

Somewhat the situation reminds me of last December, when I found a lump in my breast...my husband talked to everybody under the sun! :lol: it annoyed me, but he was scared to death and it was his way of coping.
it was a cyst btw, so no worries needed.

 

[Jenna]

Dear Granfire, you are just lovely as always thank you for laying this out so openly and so honestly. You are brave and I am grateful to you. You have been through horrible things and maybe you do not know you are a role model for others. I remember the Hagakure said to meditate upon inevitable death. I do not like that idea. I am not a samurai. And can I ask please when you found that cyst and did not know what was what while you were waiting for results did you feel inclined to sort out your family first and make sure they were ok or no? And did you find anything to console your husband worrying? And who did he talk to experts or just other people? Thank you again. I like your idea of straight talk. I am usually right with you on that only I cannot bring myself to and end up deflecting everything. And you have captured him correctly he is neither one thing nor another though he is my baby no matter what and I am trying to protect him. I have never let him down over anything. Anyway.. I will stop before I go off on one. I am very grateful indeed for such objective advice and considerate relating of your situation. And I am still listening to Frozen.

 

[Steve]

I guess I have a little bit different opinion than everyone else, but first, I want to say that however you handle it will be right. This is an intensely personal and difficult situation, and nobody knows your son or his needs better than you.

With that, this is only how I might handle it, which might not be right for you. I agree that telling the truth is important. But I will say that a 16 year old sees himself as an adult, but he is not one. Now, your son sounds like a smart, mature young person, but there is a difference between telling him what he needs to hear (ie, only what truth he is ready for) and unloading on him. In the first case, you are taking care of his needs. In the second, unloading all the truth at once, you are, IMO, taking care of your needs. In other words, he is worried about you, and if the goal is to ease his mind and help him worry less, more information might be the last thing he needs. I'd argue that too much information is already the problem and that he needs to hear from you that you love him and that, while there is risk, you have absolutely no intention of going anywhere any time soon. Bottom line is that information can be beneficial, but it can also be an unnecessary burden.

If you haven't already, I'd make sure that his future is provided for, and that you have a plan, and I would share with him only what he needs to know about it in order to feel like he's informed. I wouldn't go into extreme detail about it, giving him the impression that you expect to die. Part of being an adult is being able to distinguish between being prepared for something and expecting something. The distinction would likely be lost for a worried, caring, empathetic 16 year old son.

I would also make a point of talking about long term plans. In other words, talk about what you guys will be doing next Summer. Even further... casual references to having grandkids some day. Whatever works for you. Again, be truthful, but make sure he knows that you are looking forward to being with him for years to come and fully expect to do so. In your casual discussions, let him know that you see yourself as being around for a long time to come. It will resonate, if you're sincere and be much more effective than just saying, "Hey, I don't intend to leave you any time soon."

 

[Flying Crane]

@Flying_Crane, Michael I think frankness is a sound approach. You have made me think that perhaps I am afraid of his reaction because perhaps I do not believe I can handle my own reaction. I am so glad your scan was clear You are right, you cannot stop your mind from eloping into the fields shouting tales of doom ha.. and but I think I am better with practicalities and have my will sorted a long time ago. I understand how that seems morbid, to me that was the easy bit I do not mean to be nosey and but I wonder during all that thinking did you have a conversation with your lady? I appreciate your wisdom as ever Michael. Thank you, I am grateful.

yeah, it helps a lot to have someone with you during the ordeal. We honestly did not believe there would be any bad news, but when you open the door to the possibility and then have a delay in getting the news, you can't help but find yourself in a dark place. I think that I did not fully realize how much it affected me until after I met with my doctor to discuss the results, and the stacked up adrenaline finally left my body. Then I just had an emotional meltdown for a bit.

 

[granfire]

Dear Granfire, you are just lovely as always thank you for laying this out so openly and so honestly. You are brave and I am grateful to you. You have been through horrible things and maybe you do not know you are a role model for others. I remember the Hagakure said to meditate upon inevitable death. I do not like that idea. I am not a samurai. And can I ask please when you found that cyst and did not know what was what while you were waiting for results did you feel inclined to sort out your family first and make sure they were ok or no? And did you find anything to console your husband worrying? And who did he talk to experts or just other people? Thank you again. I like your idea of straight talk. I am usually right with you on that only I cannot bring myself to and end up deflecting everything. And you have captured him correctly he is neither one thing nor another though he is my baby no matter what and I am trying to protect him. I have never let him down over anything. Anyway.. I will stop before I go off on one. I am very grateful indeed for such objective advice and considerate relating of your situation. And I am still listening to Frozen.

I think I hinted around that my sister died of cancer, breast cancer to be precise, so naturally I was scared at first, too.
However, I might not be a Samurai, I am a warrior at heart. I don't seek out confrontation, but I mean to see it through. I took a bit to let the emotions wash over my, to feel the fear and worries, a bit of sadness.
Then I looked at all that was yet to be done.
So, I came to the conclusion that win, lose or draw, this challenge would be met.
Maybe it was meditation, though I did not sit still and stare into nothing.

There is no right time to be sick, have surgery or die.
or talk about it. Get a big box of tissues. You will need it. But that is good.

Just the other day a lady told me that one of her favorite hymns in church is 'tears are a language only God understands' or was it a prayer, not sure, I don't do organized religion. She said it was a childhood favorite, long before she learned that the chemical composition of tears differs depending on the reason we cry.

I have heard about a similar discovery many years ago.
So, allow yourself a good cry, it purifies the body

A little long winded. I am sorry.

But essentially, tell him from the heart, you will be alright!


(BTW, I let my husband do his thing....I was in no mood to touch the subject of my boob being on all prayer lists around the county. I felt like strangling him! )

 

[Rich Parsons]

Objective, logical advice sought

By way of context, I cannot stop my son from googling my medical condition on the internet and which you know is NEVER a thing to settle your mind if you are worried in the first place and so he is convinced himself somehow that my third and hopefully fingers-and-toes-crossed-with-prayer-outriders final ARVC surgery on Friday will go bad despite my efforts to show him that even if he is taller and stronger than me I am still healthy and capable of putting him on the floor for Japanese tickle torture . Though some of you know well of my boy I have not spoken of him much as the prejudices of others has always taught me that pretence is best because my son he is 16 and I am 30 and that is more than plenty of reason to be quiet and pretend things are otherwise no matter how proud of him I am . On this occasion though I am coming up short under my own wit and so I am here in the open asking for advice again.

Because of the stupid internet he has gotten upset over what he obviously believes is some new gift for soothsaying into my future and so I said to him that if probabilities were to be believed we would all be dead of swine flu pandemics or lightning strikes or fabled buses that run you down when you go out one morning, though I think that did not help and the truth is that not every fight I can win. And what words do you use to persuade your son he will be just fine even when his mother is not around? that is why I am shining this batlight for advice I am conceited to think I am the only one for him. My flatmate is my best friend she is his Godmother supposedly to look after him though she is younger than me and is more like an older sister to him and anyway she is a big airhead really. My dad passed away some time ago so there is only me. I have taught my son everything I know about everything even if that is probably not so much. He is clever thankfully and but he is only young and what does he know about anything?

Please excuse me for not being concise.. all that yabber is just for context and all I need objective and logical advice on is how does a sit down talk with any loved one about getting along without you actually begin? I do not know how to broach this seriously without him laughing it off or me dancing around the conversation like the Erroneous Aikido Fairy Wiser and more experienced heads if you are there, batlight is lit. Your help is sought, objective, logical help not emotive help or sympathetic help or anything else as I do not require that, thank you. And even if you have no experience, guess your best guess for me, I am unarmed for this one.. I love you all, Jxo

Jenna,

When I was 14 my mom was diagnosed with cancer and we told she had maybe 3 months. Three and half year later of long fights she could not take it anymore and gave up. Which was good for her as she was no longer in pain.

My dad did not want to loose his wife and was upset. My brother denied it and was hurt whenever anyone talked about the situation.

I talked with nurses and doctors and asked questions. Yes I was concerned. Yes I was worried. But I needed data. So I asked for it. Most tried to ignore me. I would explain usualy in the hallway to a doctor, that my dad is out of it, my younger brother is worse, and you want to keep the bad news from her, but want someone to understand. I am that person, I told him.

Is your son not only worried about you, but also worried about himself? As one can inherit the condition you have described.

You could start with that conversation. Ask him if he is worried about himself as well. Point out how he does not have the symptoms as you do. Make him understand that he is ok, and then talk to him about yourself. Be honest. Tell him what you think. When people are scared and concerned about loved ones they want to know they are not being lied too. They want to know the truth. If there is a risk explain it to him. But not offhanded, just a statement of fact.


If your son is just too upset to discuss it, then ask him why does he feel this way? Is it the sense of loss (* Normal and healthy *)?


If your son is not worried about himself and does not respond with data or questions and being honest. Then just be honest, and let him know that you love and care for him and look forward to see him later in the day on Friday.

I have found in cases like this everyone reacts differently and there is no exact answer.


I hope this helps.

 

[shesulsa]

Jenna,

Best wishes to you for your upcoming surgery. You're a fighter, straight and true, and I have little doubt you will fly through this. If you'll allow me this one concession, I'd like to say I respect you muchly here - you have an incredible head on your shoulders. What a mom you must be!

To each their own style of broaching this subject - I too tend to be forthwith and honest. There is very little point in obscuring the matter - he clearly knows what there is to know about the possibilities.

I think I would start by *asking him* what he would do, from whom he would seek advice, how he would go about learning to take care of himself or whom to notify, etcetera. Allow him to take the conversation wherever he likes. This should give you a good feel of where he's at in being prepared. He may not be prepared at all. If that's the case, you'll need to point him where to go and what to do. A just-in-case video might do, etcetera. But let his own benchmark be your guide.

And you will need to know that he will not be 16 forever even should the worst happen. He *will* grow and he *will* learn and he *will NOT* ever forget you nor all that you have taught him. If he has taken it upon himself to investigate your condition without your supervision, he is smart enough to investigate what to do about things in life, seek help when he needs it. He will be okay.

Ah! I'd like to hug you now, even if you'd punch me for it! :lol2:

 

[Gemini]

Objective, logical advice sought

By way of context, I cannot stop my son from googling my medical condition on the internet and which you know is NEVER a thing to settle your mind if you are worried in the first place and so he is convinced himself somehow that my third and hopefully fingers-and-toes-crossed-with-prayer-outriders final ARVC surgery on Friday will go bad despite my efforts to show him that even if he is taller and stronger than me I am still healthy and capable of putting him on the floor for Japanese tickle torture . Though some of you know well of my boy I have not spoken of him much as the prejudices of others has always taught me that pretence is best because my son he is 16 and I am 30 and that is more than plenty of reason to be quiet and pretend things are otherwise no matter how proud of him I am . On this occasion though I am coming up short under my own wit and so I am here in the open asking for advice again.

Because of the stupid internet he has gotten upset over what he obviously believes is some new gift for soothsaying into my future and so I said to him that if probabilities were to be believed we would all be dead of swine flu pandemics or lightning strikes or fabled buses that run you down when you go out one morning, though I think that did not help and the truth is that not every fight I can win. And what words do you use to persuade your son he will be just fine even when his mother is not around? that is why I am shining this batlight for advice I am conceited to think I am the only one for him. My flatmate is my best friend she is his Godmother supposedly to look after him though she is younger than me and is more like an older sister to him and anyway she is a big airhead really. My dad passed away some time ago so there is only me. I have taught my son everything I know about everything even if that is probably not so much. He is clever thankfully and but he is only young and what does he know about anything?

Please excuse me for not being concise.. all that yabber is just for context and all I need objective and logical advice on is how does a sit down talk with any loved one about getting along without you actually begin? I do not know how to broach this seriously without him laughing it off or me dancing around the conversation like the Erroneous Aikido Fairy Wiser and more experienced heads if you are there, batlight is lit. Your help is sought, objective, logical help not emotive help or sympathetic help or anything else as I do not require that, thank you. And even if you have no experience, guess your best guess for me, I am unarmed for this one.. I love you all, Jxo

What what I know of ARVC, your son has figured out that you, requiring surgery, are on the more severe cases of this. While I can appreciate you wanting to play it down, it sounds like he knows the risk is greater than you're letting on, which in turn, will cause distrust. Being known as a direct individual, I don't think it's fair for me to even try to put myself in your shoes, but I would be careful about playing it down too far. Just from what you've written about him, he sounds pretty smart. I think for anyone to tell you you're not in a tough situation would be doing you a disservice, but at the same time, I don't believe that for every problem, there's not a solution. First, I would also make it clear that the procedure itself is considered low risk if there is such a thing for open heart. Then, as unpleasant as it is, I think it's in yours, and especially his, best interest to identify a forward looking plan should things not go well. You mentioned it's only you. Do you have relatives? Maybe his father? It's important that he know who ALL the players are and what role they'll play. Do they know? Does it concern him that this is genetic? What finances will be available to him and who will handle them. What long term goals does he have/ means of obtaining those goals? I don't want any answers to these. I just want you to have them. Then I'll talk to you Saturday. (hugs)

 

[K-man]

Jenna, you have just punched me below the belt. You are one of my oldest friends on MT and this news is like a bolt from the blue. I will be thinking of you Friday and you have my very best wishes.

I can't really add to the fantastic posts above other to say, sit down with your son, have a big cuddle with him and tell him that you have been in twice before and this will be no different. Ask him about the things he has found on the Internet and what is concerning him. Obviously, he will be worried out of his mind and looking on the worst side. Just have a frank discussion and be prepared to get stuck into the tissues.

Best wishes my friend. I'll be waiting for you when you're back, fit and well, after your op. XOXO

 

[Carol]

Jenna, you've gotten some really good advice here.

The only thing I'll add, having been through heart surgery myself....after surgery (and the appropriate recovery/rehab) you feel better.

As scary as heart surgery sounds, it has advanced a lot over the years, it has even advanced since I had mine in 2000. The heart impacts everything in your body, get the heart working better and all of you will be feeling better. All the medical mumbo jumbo can talk about facts while glossing over the patient can feel better and live a better life afterwards.

All my good thoughts and prayers will be with you. You're a fighter and you will be victorious.

 

[seasoned]

Jenna, You are a strong lady, and I know this from reading your thoughts and talking with you. Without knowing you personally, I respect you very much, and know in my heart, that you will be completely up front with your son, and I feel that this is the way he would want it to be. There is really nothing I can add to what has already been said, but the fact that I consider you a friend, and first and foremost I will be praying for your words, you will be speaking to your son.

The stronger you are, the stronger he will be, but hold nothing back as you talk to him from you're heart. There is no prearranged thought you can give him, just honest words. What ever the outcome, this sit down will be with him the rest of his life. God bless, and I will be talking with you for many more years here on MT.

Your friend Wes xxoxo

 

[ballen0351]

Ill be saying a prayer for you and yo will be in my thoughts.
I cant add any good advise for I have never been in your or your sons shoes. I can only tell you that I would try to be as honest and upfront with him as your comfortable doing. If hes already googled it he knows the worst case so your not going to tell him anything he did not already read. He loves you and hes worried so your best bet is to just love him back which I can tell you do very much just by your post.
My kids are young but they have asked me before if I will Die at work usually after some news report about a police officer killed in the line of duty. They best answer I can give them is Sometimes bad things happen to good people but I will make you a promise I will fight as hard as I can to come back to you and if I cant just remember I love you more then anything I kiss them and thats normally god enough for them but like I said they are young.