I produced a short video to promote Dan Zan Ryu, Hawaiian Jujutsu, as a Martial Art. Can you give me some feedback before I make it totally public?
Hey Maka,
Not bad… some very nice aspects there… not too much point focusing on what's done well, so I'll mainly focus on what comes out at me as possibly being improved.
First is sound. As MJM suggested, it comes across a little dry without music… in addition, the mix for the voiceover is quite soft… I had to really crank the speakers just to be able to hear it… and that's running through a semi-serious 7.1 home theatre system running an RX-V1075 Yamaha receiver… Next, the voiceover itself… there was a lot of good information there… a great overview of the early history and the founder… but, on occasion, as (I'm assuming) you were reading a script, there were stumbles over words, and you were concentrating on getting the right phrases, and left off the passion… if you do go back to re-record it, depending on how confident a speaker you are, I'd probably throw the script out… just have notes with important details… and let your passion drive it. But yeah, add some music.
Visually, I love the historical photos… and the majority of the photos of the techniques were very nice. However… multiple shots of the single technique (in stages) just made me wish that it was actually video… it was pretty clear that you performed the technique in front of the camera… so the question is why stills, instead of showing the system in action?
When it came to the video clips themselves, the first was very nice… I'm figuring that was an example of "Lua", yeah?…good flow, interesting technique… I like that as a representative one. The second (the "Ke-'umi" technique with the belt), personally, I'd take that out entirely. I don't really see the point of showing a specific technique that has to be done with a specific belt, and has the caution of not performing it… if you're concerned about the possibility of someone trying it, don't put it in there… especially if this video is going to be completely public… you can't really control who sees it, or what they do next.
Jujutsu Weapon Arts… nunchaku and chinese sword?
But all in all, more video (throwing drills, striking drills, joint lock flows are all great fodder for such videos), less photos, more charisma to the voiceover (with a higher mix to make it easier to hear), and add music that you feel reflects the mood/atmosphere you want to embody (to add interest and pacing) would be my suggestions.
Since you have asked, here are my suggestions.
- At 1.43, if you use lower stance, and also with your "head lock" right elbow to be parallel to the ground, you can "crash" your opponent's structure right at that moment.
- At 1.49, it may not be a good idea to jump both of your feet in the air. You will lose your "crashing" effect.
- At 1.53, to drop your left knee on the ground can be difficult to do if the ground is hard. It's better to still control your opponent's right arm with your left arm at this moment.
Also your opponent's left free arm that wraps around your waist can give you some trouble. You may want to explain to your audience how you may use your strategy to deal with it.
Please explain how you are familiar with the technical, contextual, and strategic teachings of Danzan Ryu in order to make these comments.
The three points you cite are from a series of still shots taken from the performance of a single technique… to my eyes, the first shot (which you say should have a "lower stance") is a set up at the beginning of the technique, and is moving in from a close-grip position (kumi uchi, in Japanese)… there isn't really any indication that the aim is to "crash" anything. The second is you critiquing the practitioner (I'm assuming Maka) being up in the air… well, to be frank, it looks specifically to be teaching you to do that in order to drop your entire bodyweight freely in conjunction with the force of gravity… so your critique is to ignore the entire point of the technique itself. And your third (that the ground might be hard) completely ignores the context of the system… it's from the 50's in Hawaii… lots of soft ground, as (particularly then) it wasn't, and still isn't, anywhere near the urbanised concrete jungle that New York is, for example. Oh, and the partners arm on his waist isn't an issue at all, realistically… it could be anything from a safety/control measure for training, to a reason that you apply that particular technique (as the weight/power of your dropping body can negate any strength in the grabbing arm to stop a throw, although it might if it was a completely even-footed/grounded technique).
In other words, I really don't think that Maka has to explain anything of the kind to his audience… but I really, really suggest you stop thinking that all martial arts are the same, have the same "rules", have the same context and application, the same strategies and tactics, or the same mechanics. That completely incorrect idea seems to be in almost every post you make, as you constantly tell people how they should do their art, with absolutely no understanding of it whatsoever.