Captain Obvious

[shesulsa]

My mom's a little underweight, so I went to the dreaded golden arches to grab her a nice, fattening breakfast combo.

After paying at the first window, I got the line, "That'll be ready for you at the next window."

I had to stop and ask myself, "I wonder what I would do if they didn't tell me that? Drive all the way around the building again? Park and go inside?" I mean, I could see that sacks of food and carriers with drinks were exiting the window via a magic hand and being placed in another magic hand which extended from the vehicle two cars ahead. But since I lack the general ability to reasonably deduce that I could also get My food at the next window, I was SO GRATEFUL that the nice lady who took my money gave me my instructions.

I can't help but wonder about things like this.

Do you have any "Captain Obvious" moments you'd like to share?

 

[The Kidd]

Does it count when people say "Can I be honest with you?" I think to myself no I would rather you be a liar!

 

[Xue Sheng]

I have way too many to list

 

[MA-Caver]

I have way too many to list

Ditto. But here's one... At work I was washing the windows of the entry doors... my supervisor comes up behind me and asks... "what are you doing?" Without a missing a beat I said: "Mopping the floor"... he didn't catch himself in time... "Look like to me you're washing the windows..." I simply stopped and did a quarter turn of my head and upper torso to face him with that..."well DUH!" expression on my face.
He stomped off in a huff.

 

[dubljay]

I work in retail... I expereince this on a daily... make that hourly basis.

I doubt the MT servers have enough bandwidth to handle my host of expereinces. More so this is not a healthy subject for me to converse upon as my blood pressure tends to spike rather high.

 

[Andy Moynihan]

Following from Shesulsa's post, my favorite is watching some random knobjockey at the drive-thru *nodding at the speaker*.

"Is that all?"

"yeah(nods)"

"You want a drink with that ?"

"Oh, no( shakes head).

 

[grydth]

This has been reassuring. Somehow I thought Twilight Zone dining experiences might be peculiar to this city.

It starts when you drive to an ATM to get money for dinner. Ever notice - there is Braille on the keys? Now, how can that ever work...

One fast food place, even if they see the family sitting down, always asks, "Will that be for our dining room?" I always want to reply that, no, I'll be taking the meal tray to the bathroom this evening.

Another place asks for our "Party name" if there's a wait. We invariably tell them "Donner"..... just to watch the fun when the hostess announces,"The Donner Party".

My daughters will eat the same thing every time in certain restaurants. So why is it that when the waitress asks what they want, there are always those shocked and stunned blank looks?

Dining out is fun... you don't have to cook and everyone involved has a license to be stupid. Indeed, it is expected.

 

[Ninjamom]

Stewardesses on airplanes, instructing those who might not have ridden in an automobile any time in the last half-century:
"Insert the metal end into the buckle."

Any parent to any small child:
"Would you like me to give you a spanking?"

Warning on the side of a box of sleeping medication:
"May cause drowsiness."

 

[MA-Caver]

Any parent to any small child:
"Would you like me to give you a spanking?"

When the child responds in the enthusiastic positive... it's time for intensive therapy... for the child (and the parent)...

 

[terryl965]

Does it count when people say "Can I be honest with you?" I think to myself no I would rather you be a liar!

I'm with you I hate that.

 

[Kacey]

Warning on any electronic device: do not immerse

Warning on an iron: do not touch iron surface; it may be hot

You walk out your front door with a dog on a leash; neighbor says "Oh, are you going to walk your dog?" (I have a neighbor who is a master of the obvious).

You walk into a business wearing a shirt with the logo of your own workplace; employee says "Oh, do you work at [insert name of company on shirt]?"

 

[MA-Caver]

You walk out your front door with a dog on a leash; neighbor says "Oh, are you going to walk your dog?" (I have a neighbor who is a master of the obvious).

Advanced Apologies to dog lovers but my witty snappy quick response would've been, "no, I'm gonna hitch him up to the bumper of a truck and see how fast he can run"

Anyone remember MAD Magazine's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions?" They usually gave you three to choose from... some were pretty lame and others were... ticklish.

 

[Ping898]

It starts when you drive to an ATM to get money for dinner. Ever notice - there is Braille on the keys? Now, how can that ever work...

Actually that makes perfect sense if you consider not all ATMs are drive up and even the one's that are, the blind person can sit in the back...not sure how they would work the screen without someone reading it to them, but no reason they should have to tell someone their pin to work it. My great uncle is blind and uses ATMs all the time....

 

[Ninjamom]

and Here's your sign

 

[Kreth]

My band played at a local bar this past weekend. About 10 minutes before we went on, some guy comes up to me and asks, "So you guys are playing tonight?" I said, "Nah, we just take our gear out drinking sometimes."

 

[bydand]

I'm in the market for a different vehicle and today I stopped into a dealership here in Caribou (No local Mensa chapter within 250 miles) and when I went into the building the conversation was beyond stupid.
Me: I like the look of the Full-sized blue Ford van right there <pointing out the window to not only the only blue van, but the only van period on the lot.>

Salesman: We have a van? (right there I should have just walked out, but figured this might be good for a minutes free entertainment.)

Me: Uh, yeah. That one right there, big, blue, 10' in front of the picture window.

SM: Oh, haven't noticed that one, must be new. (Looks up the vehicle list) Well according to this we have had that for 227 days, funny I haven't noticed it before.

Me: Well, never-the-less, I would like to take it out for a drive and check it out a bit closer.

SM: Ok (just stands there)

Me: I need a plate and a couple of mounting screws then.

SM: You mean a license plate?

Me: No, a dinner plate... yes a license plate.

SM: For that van?

Me: No for my truck, I noticed mine was expired and figured this would be quicker than going to the DMV.

SM: You can't do that.

At this point I am beyond control and just burst out laughing and walk out of the place. I bet he is still standing there wondering what the hell I was talking about.

 

[tellner]

When the child responds in the enthusiastic positive... it's time for intensive therapy... for the child (and the parent)...

Either that or the beginnings of a lucrative and personally rewarding career

 

[grydth]

Actually that makes perfect sense if you consider not all ATMs are drive up and even the one's that are, the blind person can sit in the back...not sure how they would work the screen without someone reading it to them, but no reason they should have to tell someone their pin to work it. My great uncle is blind and uses ATMs all the time....

Ping, please do not spoil our silliness with facts or intelligent analysis!

When I was in grad school, I accepted delivery of some craft goods by Lighthouse for the Blind for the woman in the next door apartment. When she got home, she marvelled at the quality of the goods they made. "That's nothing", I told here, " The guy who drove this stuff out here - he was blind, too." As I left, I heard," Woooowwwwww, that's amazing......."

 

[Lisa]

My Boss is standing at my Dad's funeral in his Cassock and has his cross around his neck.

My cousin says to me..."Hey, is your Boss a priest?" :shrug:

Wow, nothing gets by him, eh?

 

[CoryKS]

Any parent to any small child:
"Would you like me to give you a spanking?"

Or, "You lost your _____? Where did you have it last?"