I noticed immediate changes.
My first day training with my group was quite literally the worst day of my life. It started with my wife's car breaking a CV shaft on a -30 degree F day as she pulled out of the driveway. She and I spent a half hour just getting the car off the street and back into the driveway.
I had a terrible day at work, and my grandmother was hospitalized with congestive heart failure (she is now out of the hospital and thankfully seems to have at least a little more time).
On the way to training, I wrecked our second car. Going about 60 on roads that looked fine, I hit a spot of black ice and went deep through a snowbank and took out two street signs. I spent an hour digging out my car, and notified the closest house of my name and phone number so that I could be contacted to pay for the signs.
Now, I'm a Buddhist. So, the real reason it was the worst day of my life is because of how I handled these events. I was extremely upset, depressed, and wondering how much longer I was willing to live this life. Irrational saddness and despair is a good way to describe my mental state.
After training, I was happy. My body hurt, but it was a good pain that told me I was growing. My spirit was full of energy. I felt light, and joyful.
Fighting ability is not the reason I train. I am in good physical shape, and I haven't lost a fight since I was 13. Several months before beginning training, I got into a NHB fight with my best friend. He's 5 years younger, faster, stronger and has been training in the BBT for 2 years.
But, he also talks a lot of **** and I needed to explain to him that there are people in this world he just shouldn't **** with - for his safety. It took me less than 30 seconds to get him totally locked up and into a solid choke hold with my legs around his neck. If I'd rolled, I definitely could have killed him by snapping his neck. Most of the time was me waiting for an opening to shoot in for the takedown.
Why did I win? Because I grew up in a big city, had huge aggression problems, got into a lot of fights, and have a good understanding of what I do know. This is not a source of pride for me. It's just fact. I don't look for fights, don't like to fight, and have in the last several years been hit by drunks without even considering fighting back. No point to it.
I have no doubt that sticking with BBT will make me the best fighter I can possibly be. And, I'm sure a lot of my boyhood fantasies and male egoism play a part in my enjoying training. But, it's not why I train. On the purely physical side, it is more important to me that I can't do handsprings or rolls without using my hands, or a lot of the stuff that I hope to learn and still be able to do when I am Soke's age.
But, the real reason I train is because I am happy when I am looking forward to training. At the end of training, I am often in a deeply conscious no-mind state. I find myself listening and experiencing the world with my whole self. The useless noise that often clutters my mind is cleared, and I feel so alive.
This personal growth, and the balance it has given my life is why I train. I may be a new student, but I hope this explains my fanatical devotion. I have no doubt that this is something I will do forever.
