A low point in my training--worst in class.

[girlbug2]

This year hasn't been the best year for my training schedule, and I've had to miss quite a few valuable classes and a few seminars. I'm behind in where I should be with regard to my skills and "flow" of techniques, even worse at sparring--never something I enjoy, and especially not now that I've fallen out of practice. Well, the result of all this is that I embarassed myself on last week's pretest.

(Blue- and brownbelt candidates are required to take pretests every 3 months until their "real" test comes--mine should be in May next year, although that could shift).

The portion of the pretest that involved techniques and drills was bad enough, but then I did the unthinkable--I actually cried at the end of the sparring section. It was so unexpected, all the jumble of emotions that came up, I'm not sure I can explain it except that in the last several seconds I snapped and it seemed from my POV that I got out of control and flailed about. Then when the buzzer sounded the waterworks started and I had to take 10 minutes to step outside and pull myself together. I was not physically hurt, but I scared myself and then felt so ashamed.

Now I am questioning that I deserve the rank I have now, much less the rank I will be aiming for in 5 months. And, God knows, I hate being the weakling that broke into tears. Not sure how to get past this, and back into the positive groove I had going on for the first 18 months I started Krav training.

Sucking and crying; that's not what MA are all about and not what I'm all about. This blows.

 

[Ken Morgan]

**** happens.

You obviously earned the rank you have, or you simply would not have it, just now you are out of practice. It happens to everybody sometime.

Life gets in the way of everybody, kids, money, spouse, job, etc, etc.

So as you're sitting on the ground looking up at the horse that just knocked you off, you are faced with only two choices, you can sit on your *** and feel sorry for yourself, or you can get up, look the horse in the eye, spit in its eye and get back on it.

 

[Rayban]

I wouldn't be too disenchanted. I've had some shocking days. Days where I couldn't even tell left from right. In fact just this week I had a very average class where I was feeling a little overwhelmed going through knife survival.

I learned quite a while ago that tenacity really is the key. I had to take a fairly lengthy period of time off from training (almost a year) and when I did return I was questioning whether or not I should still be at the level I was (7th Kyu at the time).

I was told that as long as I kept going and kept adjusting, learning and re-learning the techniques I would pick it up again.

It sounds simple enough but an indomitable spirit and tenacity really is all you need. I can only speak of my own experiences of course; but if you truly love the art and want to get better/back to where you were, just breathe deep and keep going.

I hope that makes some sense.

 

[jks9199]

You're encountering a plateau in training. They're normal -- and they're one reason I personally hate crap like scheduled/mandatory pretests. Especially as life intervenes with your training, we all have ups and downs. And we all have times when we can't seem to get anything right, and when even what we thought we really knew and understood doesn't seem to be able to do anymore. Especially if you're trying to integrate newer or higher level elements into what you already know. It happens. It's normal. And your teacher should be explaining this to you.

Take a breath. (Actually, take several.) Step back and review your basics. Take in one or another of the lower ranked classes, if you have them, or spend some time with those lower ranked than you. This'll do a couple of things. First -- it'll remind you of how far you've come. We all need that sometimes! Second -- it'll refresh your memory of those basics. Third -- it'll give those lower ranked students a good example of a senior training hard, as well as a goal to aim for that's less lofty than watching a black belt, so it'll help them, too.

 

[ralphmcpherson]

I had a 'shocker' last wednesday night and came home disillusioned with where I was at but then last night, only a week later, I had one of the best classes Ive had in ages. I just figure that martial arts, being a physical activity requiring fitness and hand/eye coordination is no different to sport. Some days things just dont go well and others it all just comes together nicely. Even the best sportspeople in the world have bad games where nothing seems to work for them. Martial arts is no different, we have so many other things going on in our lives that its almost impossible to train at the one standard all the time. We will have bad days.

 

[Big Don]

One of our Black Belts, one of our BEST, cried all the way through her Black Belt test.
It happens, don't stress about it.

 

[Thesemindz]

There's nothing wrong with crying. I've cried for my art. For my successes. And my failures. My training belt and my rank belt both have my tears in them. Crying is an expression of emotion. That's a part of martial arts.

So is sucking. I wasn't there, I don't know if you sucked. I know that as an instructor I'd rather have a sucky girl who cries in my class than no student at all. I'd be proud she showed up and trained anyway. I'd be proud of that student.

Because failing and emotion are everything there is in martial arts. There are successes, but only after a long string of failures. You do a technique poorly and wrong many, many times before you do it right once. And the moment you do, you'll realize how much better you could have done it.

There is no shame in showing up, knowing you will struggle, and fighting, knowing you are afraid. That shows spirit. It is the mark of strength.

You represent your sensei well.


-Rob

 

[Brian King]

“I'm behind in where I should be with regard to my skills and "flow" of techniques”

I disagree with this. In my opinion you are exactly where you should be. It is ego and pride that tells a person that they should be better than they are or that they should have mastered technique-A an hour after they have first seen it. Learning how to accept honestly where we are at in terms of physical skills or mental strengths is the beginning of wisdom in my opinion. Once we honestly accept our condition then we can give ourselves permission to address the issues. Otherwise there comes excuse after excuse for ‘failure and perceived weaknesses” rather than the honest evaluation of our ‘work and sweat’.

“Well, the result of all this is that I embarassed myself on last week's pretest.”

Sounds like it, but I do not know if you should be so hard on yourself or not. You showed up bowed in and did the best you could at that very moment. You showed some weaknesses but I am betting that if you could look past your perceived shame you might see some strengths shown as well. People are often too hard on themselves, seeking perfection and only looking at weaknesses and mistakes, all too willing to magnify those errors while belittling those things that they did well.

It might be tempting to use this ‘embarrassment’ as a motivational tool, a prod in your eye to get back into some kind of training routine. Sometimes that works, taking a negative event and turning it into a positive force.

“The portion of the pretest that involved techniques and drills was bad enough, but then I did the unthinkable--I actually cried at the end of the sparring section. It was so unexpected, all the jumble of emotions that came up, I'm not sure I can explain it except that in the last several seconds I snapped and it seemed from my POV that I got out of control and flailed about. Then when the buzzer sounded the waterworks started and I had to take 10 minutes to step outside and pull myself together. I was not physically hurt, but I scared myself and then felt so ashamed.”

Emotions are God given and nothing to be ashamed about in my opinion. Letting them take control of our actions can have consequences. Dan Millman said that emotions are like weather patterns. We can’t stop them but we can become aware of them and once aware we can prepare for them. See the snow clouds coming bring along gloves and a jacket...

Learning how to recognize different internal states is strength that needs to be trained. It is not easy training but worth it in my opinion. Learning to recognize our internal state as it is changing is also a valuable skill. Think of an avalanche for a moment. Tons of rocks and trees sliding down wiping out everything in its path. How would you stop that? Very difficult I would think. But now if we could see that very first trickle of dislodged sand, that first tiny pebble as it nears falling. If we could stop that first rock we could stop the avalanche much easier. Breathing is a tool that can be used to stabilize that first pebble.or if that pebble was overlooked breathing can help us lesson the ‘damage’ of the avalanche and help us deal with the aftermath of the avalanche. Emotions can change our bodies chemistry and proper breathing helps us deal with those chemical changes. Physical movement and exercise can help to deal with the chemical changes emotions can wrought in our bodies. FYI another way our body releases and cleanses those chemicals is by crying. Crying releases emotions and is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. Working with soldiers and action professionals a person will see unashamed tears now and then, one of my teachers says that tears cleanse the soul and I agree.

"Sucking and crying; that's not what MA are all about and not what I'm all about."

Part of martial training is showing us our strengths and weaknesses and part of good training allows us to explore healthy ways of dealing with our ‘sucking’.

Different therapists and psychologists have told me that they often consider the client as having a breakthrough if they leave in tears. It might be but I think it is healthier to rebuild after the tears. It might be a little late now, but I would recommend that you look back on the nights training, not through the embarrassed and ashamed eyes you left with, but with the eyes of a honest student learning about themselves. It sounds like it was a very emotional night, one that was showing you some weaknesses, tearing down some walls and denting your pride. Did the nights training show you a single strength? Did the nights training offer you any insights into what makes you tick? You said that it took ten minutes to recompose yourself. After a night of emotions, sparring and losing it a bit, crying in front of your teachers and peers and you were shamed and yet you were able to pull yourself together in only ten minutes...that is a victory. You were able to spar until the buzzer, even under an emotional strain...victory. You are able to honestly write about the night...victory

After that nights work, do you think that in the future you might be more empathetic to others that might be working under an emotional strain? Have you gained an insight that you are not empowered with super abilities yet were able to keep fighting even while being human. There are lots of lessons that you could be learning and making your own from that nights training, perhaps lessons that will stand you in good stead in life, not just the gaining of a new colored belt.

"Not sure how to get past this"

Learn the lessons needed to be learned then sit back and have a real good belly laugh at yourself. Find the humor in it. Life can be serious and tragic...a few tears and not performing some technique up to your standards...not so tragic in my opinion. Tomorrow is thanksgiving, what do you have to be thankful for? Focus on that, for the day, then laugh at yourself for a week and then forgive yourself and move on would be my suggestions.

Regards
Brian King

 

[Bruno@MT]

Sucking and crying are part and parcel to MA training.
Well, the crying part is debatable. It depends on the person. Some people cry more quickly than others. And (no offense) females tend to cry fairly quickly when they are emotional / feeling low. There is nothing wrong with crying however.
The sucking part... we all have those days, no matter how good we are. Every time you try something new or want to improve at something, you spend a good deal of time being bad at it. That's part of it.

And some days we just suck at everything. Pretty much every thing we do on such a day will suck, but by not giving up you are showing fortitude and dedication.

 

[seasoned]

Crying is a form of release, of penned up frustration. What it does is clears the air, so to speak. This emotion, when understood, can help you in a positive way, if you stay focused. Look toward, and remember all of you accomplishments thus far, pick up and go on. :asian:

 

[Sukerkin]

One thing always to bear in mind is that you are doing martial arts for you. Not your sensei, not your fellow students, not for the historical good of the art ... for you.

Best in class, worst in class, somewhere in the middle - none of that matters.

Don't pressure yourself with things that don't matter. Measure yourself against yourself, not other people or what others think is required.

When you don't feel that you have aquited yourself well, that can be hard and the emotional responses can boil forth unbidden. But you must not allow a sense of failure to pervade you. Plateaus and low-points are common in any endeavour. They pass eventually, or you move on and do something else instead.

I guess a good motto to hold in mind is that "Martial arts are not about beating yourself up" :lol:.

 

[WC_lun]

Sukerkin has a really good point about the art is for you, not anyone else. Don't rate yourself by how you do compared to others. They aren't you and don't have the same body, mind, or life that you do so thier progression will not be the same.

We all have bad days. I've had days where it felt like I couldn't do anything correctly. What matters is if you quit or do you stick it out. What we do isn't easy and it takes a determination to keep going when you have bad days or hit those plateus. If you persist though, the rewarding times will happen as well. That is one of the lessons martial arts teaches.

 

[DarkShadowfax]

Dont worry about the crying, I cried during the sparring drill at the end of my orange belt test because I thought I seriously messed up with the injuries and everything added up. I don't like crying in public because it makes me feel weak, but I still cried.
In the end I still passed with flying colours.

It doesn't matter if you're the best, neither does it matter if you're the worst student ever, what matters is that you can enjoy yourself and your process.

Sure, I could have been better if I would work a little more, but sometimes you either don't feel like it, or you just can't. Juggling different things in your life is difficult, don't add more troublesome things to it.

 

[Stac3y]

If you don't cry at some point, either you're a mutant, or your instructor isn't pushing you hard enough. Just keep going.

 

[girlbug2]

Thank you all for your insights and kind words. I've had a week to get over it all, now it doesn't seem so insurmountable.

It's also nice to know I'm not the only one who has cried--it sure seemed like it last week though, I mean literally never had I seen another adult cry during training.

Also, you're right; I shouldn't compare myself to others.

 

[Brother John]

I'm doing the unadviseable and responding to you w/out having read the other's responses:

YOU are HUMAN. The martial arts are "about" a great many things, especially dependant upon where YOU place the emphasis. MY point of view is that it is about LIFE, and that your training is specifically about YOUR life. If all of the other elements of your life keep you from training as much as you'd like or going to the seminars you wish you could, don't fret it. Don't let the time between this grade and that, this mile marker and that, make you lose the joy of the journey itself. There's no race. You've got the REST of your life to be a martial artist. Your journey in martial arts, in my opinion, should serve YOU....and be something that helps you have a better life. IF not, why do it? IF situations in your life make you need to release these energies by crying........... cry. Crying is only a weakness to those who believe that it IS a weakness. The depth of our character and the quality that lies at the core of our being a martial artist....is our "Humanness" (is that a word?). Humans who bind up their real emotions or gloss them over with a fake smile, aren't showing strength.....they're actually supressing it.
Be Human. Don't worry about where you COULD HAVE BEEN or SHOULD BE LATER....
because those mental demons will rob you of the good training experiences you COULD have TODAY. Enjoy each step on your path..... you'll only miss it......if you're wasting time regretting what's not in your control or denying the power of your humanness.

Off my soap box now; summing up:
Walk the path you ARE on, not the one you no longer have or isn't yet here...
train today
grow today
ENJOY today
and if you neeeeed too.......
CRY today.

Your Brother (who's all about the blood / sweat & Tears)
John

 

[maft]

Hey,

Life is never perfect, it is full of up and downs so don't worry to much about it.

Learn from if and move on, there are worse things in life that could have happened a part form crying.

Cheers,

maft

 

[teekin]

I'm doing the unadviseable and responding to you w/out having read the other's responses:

YOU are HUMAN. The martial arts are "about" a great many things, especially dependant upon where YOU place the emphasis. MY point of view is that it is about LIFE, and that your training is specifically about YOUR life. If all of the other elements of your life keep you from training as much as you'd like or going to the seminars you wish you could, don't fret it. Don't let the time between this grade and that, this mile marker and that, make you lose the joy of the journey itself. There's no race. You've got the REST of your life to be a martial artist. Your journey in martial arts, in my opinion, should serve YOU....and be something that helps you have a better life. IF not, why do it? IFsituations in your life make you need to release these energies by crying........... cry. Crying is only a weakness to those who believe that it IS a weakness. The depth of our character and the quality that lies at the core of our being a martial artist....is our "Humanness"(is that a word?). Humans who bind up their real emotions or gloss them over with a fake smile, aren't showing strength.....they're actually supressing it.
Be Human. Don't worry about where you COULD HAVE BEEN or SHOULD BE LATER....
because those mental demons will rob you of the good training experiences you COULD have TODAY. Enjoy each step on your path..... you'll only miss it......if you're wasting time regretting what's not in your control or denying the power of your humanness.

Off my soap box now; summing up:
Walk the path you ARE on, not the one you no longer have or isn't yet here...
train today
grow today
ENJOY today
and if you neeeeed too.......
CRY today.

Your Brother (who's all about the blood / sweat & Tears)
John

Very very well said.

lori

 

[Cirdan]

Let me just say I`ve been worst in class.. many, many times.

 

[Bruno@MT]

Let me just say I`ve been worst in class.. many, many times.

I haven't... but the only reason is that I am one of the 2 first generation students left in our dojo.

That said, we both struggle regularly to understand and perform the things in our own curriculum. It just isn't that obvious because there is noone to compare with except our sensei.